The Best Background Characters: The Zombie/Vampire of Helm’s Deep

December 21, 2024December 21, 2024 / Imperfect Glass / Leave a comment

Every story has a cast of characters that we follow and watch and come to love… but what about the background characters? The nameless masses who rarely get our attention? This column examines my favorite background characters who deserve a moment in the spotlight.

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The Movie:

‘The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers’

The Character:

A zombie! (Maybe)

The Scene:

Why He Deserves A Moment In The Spotlight

Despite having watched all three Lord of the Rings movies dozens of times over the years, I’m still finding little moments I never noticed before, and this one may be the weirdest of them all: at 0:10 in the clip above, we can see Rohan soldiers barricading the door to the keep of Helm’s Deep. But if you pause the video at the right moment, you can see what looks shockingly like the pale, emancipated hand of a zombie.

I know this isn’t a zombie, but it sure looks line one, doesn’t it? Alternately, considering how the fingernails almost look like claws, it may also be the hand of a vampire; compare the hand here to Nosferatu’s hand from the upcoming 2024 remake:

While this is certainly the hand of a random soldier that’s stained with Uruk blood and covered in bruises, it’s still fun to imagine that an undead creature of the night came to defend the Rohirrim from Saruman’s hordes, and subsequently went on fun adventures with its new horse-buddies while guzzling mead, camping out in Dunharrow, fighting on the Pelennor Fields, and finally duking it out with orcs at the Black Gates, while never gaining any glory or being remembered by the masses. But he was still there, just out of sight, helping erect barricades and doing his part to save Middle-Earth and its people from Sauron.

The Best Background Characters: The Worst Escort Pilot Ever

June 17, 2024 / Imperfect Glass / Leave a comment

The Movie:

‘White House Down’

The Character:

A fighter pilot who needs to rethink their career choices

The Scene:

(the pilot in question appears at 1:18 in the lower left part of the screen)

Why They Deserve A Moment In The Spotlight

I’m a sucker for background characters who… aren’t good at their jobs. And while I think this guy takes the cake for that title, the unseen fighter pilot in this clip comes in a close second: As one of two fighter pilots escorting Air Force One, you’d think that they would be highly trained, capable, and able to defend the President of the United States from any incoming threats. While audiences expect background guard characters to be bad a their jobs and fall with little to no effort, it’s a nice surprise when it turns out that they’re actually competent and know what they’re doing (Like Unknown Hero Agent Man) and can defend the main characters. So when an ICBM rockets towards Air Force One, our pilot notices the threat on their radar and immediately takes action, deploying flares to confuse the missile’s guidance system, causing it to veer harmlessly off course, saving the president and – by extension – America!

Just kidding! The pilot doesn’t do anything as the big missile shoots up and blasts Air Force One into scrap metal. Only then does the pilot (presumably) yell, “Deploying countermeasures!” fire off their flares, and then heroically fly away as fast as possible while Air Force One plunges to its doom. While they would no doubt be fired and given a very stern talking-to by their commander, the pilot could hopefully reflect on their failures, resolve to do better, and finally realize that, at the end of the day, the real countermeasures were the friends we made along the way.

The Best Background Characters: Sauron’s Last Orc

April 14, 2024 / Imperfect Glass / Leave a comment

The Game:

‘Ultimate Epic Battle Simulator 2’

The Character:

The last surviving Orc in Sauron’s army after an assault on Minas Tirith

(if auto-play doesn’t work, the relevant scene starts at 22:47)

Why He Deserves A Moment In The Spotlight

When it comes to big battles in fiction, huge numbers of enemy soldiers become faceless masses destined to cut each other down, becoming little more than meat for the grinder; redshirts, if you will. But when an army is whittled down to their last few soldiers, something happens: We become invested in those last few. Rather than them being nameless, faceless soldiers we expect to die, focusing on only a few – or just one – suddenly makes us interested in them. They now have a chance to show some personality and let us know that they’re not mindless soldiers who blindly follow orders.

Here, we get to see what happens when the last surviving orc in Sauron’s army tries to run away from the battle, only to be chased by a blood-drenched Gandalf hell-bent on killing said orc. This poor guy is armed with just a crossbow and probably just wants to get home and see his orc-wife and his orc-kids, and possibly play ball with his orc-dog and feed his orc-goldfish. Instead, he’s being chased by a crazed old man drenched head-to-toe in blood who wants to add the orc’s blood to his grotesque, gloppy suit. And while you can guess what happens, this is a great example of how big battle scenes can be exciting, but small, intimate moments can be more moving.

The Best Background Characters: Palpatine’s Elite Guard Who Is The Worst Shot in Star Wars History

November 5, 2023 / Imperfect Glass / 3 Comments

The Movie:

‘Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker’

The Character:

One of Palpatine’s royal guards who is the worst shot in Star Wars History

The Scene:

Why He Deserves A Moment In The Spotlight

A few years ago, I highlighted how one of Snoke’s elite guards fought Kylo Ren by… ramming his armored forearms into Kylo’s lightsaber, accomplishing nothing before being killed. At the time, I thought he was Star Wars’ silliest antagonist, but I recently discovered that there’s another royal guard in a galaxy far, far away who is even sillier. In ‘The Rise of Skywalker,’ Rey takes on Palpatine’s elite guards, the Sovereign Protectors, the cream of the crop of the Final Order, warriors who’s only purpose in life is to defend their emperor to the death, and at this they fail miserably, dying within seconds to a barely-trained girl with a glowy stick of death, rendering a lifetime of Sith indoctrination and training utterly meaningless.

But among their number, there is one guard who’s sheer ineptitude is the stuff of legend. A guard so legendarily bad that his name will be passed down from generation to generation on how not to protect psychotic zombie emperors from beyond the stars… Ceiling Shooting Guy.

At 0:08 in the clip above, a guard on the far left can be seen heroically shooting his laser gun at the ceiling. Not at Rey, the force-wielder with the lightsaber, but at the ceiling of Palpatine’s chamber. Then he pauses, watches Rey for a moment, and then shoots the ceiling again.

How did this guard get the job? What training did he undergo to become Palpatine’s protector? And why, in the moment he’s spent his entire life preparing for, did he decide to shoot the ceiling of the Sith Temple instead of Palpatine’s attacker?

I just love how this guy ended up in a movie with a $416 million budget, some of which surely went to fight choreography (NSFW captions). And yet, we ended up with a guy who shoots the ceiling. Sweet Yoda, I would love to know why the shot was approved, why the filmmakers thought this was okay to put in the finished cut, and I especially love that someone at ILM had to animate these nonsensical blaster shots. But whatever the reason, I’m glad they kept this shot in, because we got an elite Sovereign Protector who decided the best way to protect his emperor was to shoot the ceiling. Hey, for all we know there was a spider up there.

The Best Background Characters: ‘Oh God’ guy

October 12, 2022October 12, 2022 / Imperfect Glass / Leave a comment

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The Show:

‘The Lenny Henry Christmas Show’

The Character:

A random audience member

The Scene:

Why He Deserves A Moment In The Spotlight

It’s spooky season once again, and what better way to mark the occasion than with this terrifying live action parody of Wallace and Gromit from 1995’s ‘The Lenny Henry Christmas Show’? The lovable, charming duos of Wallace and Gromit have gone from England’s most lovable couple into inter-dimensional abominations wearing skinned flesh in an attempt to blend in with humanity and their canine companions. It’s so grotesque, so horrifying, that at 0:51 in the clip, you can just faintly hear someone in the audience groaning, ‘Oh god…’ I don’t know who this man is or anything about him – and he’s not even a background character, per se – but he sums up the audience’s feelings so perfectly that he becomes the best thing about this sketch, stealing the show from the two things that will haunt my nightmares forever more.

The Best Background Characters: Agent Harmon

August 2, 2022May 23, 2023 / Imperfect Glass / 1 Comment

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The Show:

‘Stranger Things: Season 4’

The Character:

Agent Harmon

The Scene:

Why He Deserves A Moment In The Spotlight

Recently, I watched all four seasons of Stranger Things, a show with a great many characters both major and minor, but one of whom stands out as one of the most awesome redshirts you’ll ever see on TV.

For those of you who are unaware, a Redshirt is a minor, typically unnamed character in a movie, show, or book who exists sorely to die and establish how dangerous a situation is for the main characters. Named after the famous crewmembers from Star Trek, they’ve become a joke in pop culture, and I was expecting the two government agents in the fourth season of Stranger Things to be the same.

Boy, was I wrong.

When military spooks break into Will and Jonathan’s house to kill them, I thought agent Harmon would quickly fall like his partner, leaving the boys to fend for themselves. But to my surprise, Harmon immediately morphed from an overweight, lazy, tv-watching agent into a stone-cold warrior who fearlessly takes on an entire squad of soldiers with only a pistol and wins. Granted, he doesn’t kill them all, but he does stop them from getting Will and the others, ensuring that they escape to find Eleven.

What’s so great about this scene is that even though we know so little about Harmon, we quickly become invested in his struggle because we subconsciously know he doesn’t have plot armor and could die at any time, making his fight even more engaging than the main characters who we know are going to survive until the climax of the story. He’s a redshirt who temporarily becomes a main character, one who is responsible for keeping the others alive… but, sadly, at the cost of his life.

Rest in peace, Harmon (AKA, Unknown Agent Hero Man). We only knew you for a few minutes, but if you had gone to the Upside Down with the others in the season finale, you’d have killed Vecna in seconds with that legendary pistol of yours and saved the world.

The Best Background Characters: The Tip-toeing Nazi Soldier

April 16, 2022May 3, 2022 / Imperfect Glass / Leave a comment

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The Game:

‘Wolfenstein II – The New Colossus’

The Character:

A tip-toeing Nazi soldier.

The Scene:

(The soldier appears at 2:03)

Why He Deserves A Moment In The Spotlight

In the opening of 2017’s, ‘Wolfenstein: The New Colossus,’ the player’s enormous U-boat hideout is boarded by dozens of Nazi commandos intent on killing him and his allies. At one point, the player meets up with Set, a Jewish scientist, who defends both of them with the use of a microwave-lined hallway, which obliterates multiple Nazis as they blindly run through it. But near the end, one soldier realizes that something’s not right about the hallway and stops to consider his next course of action, which is to carefully – and hilariously – tippy-toe through the hallway… only to be blown up like everyone else.

The common Nazi in ‘The New Colossus’ exists (as they rightfully should) to be mowed down by the hundreds. Players expect them to be little more than cannon fodder, which makes moments like these great because it gives individual soldiers a little personality and makes them stand out in a crowd of characters we’re conditioned not to care about… but because this soldier’s still part of the most monstrous regime ever to exist in human history, we laugh at his explosive death instead of mourning him, because f*** Nazis.

The Best Background Characters: Unimpressed Spider-Man Guy

December 15, 2021November 5, 2023 / Imperfect Glass / Leave a comment

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The Movie:

‘Spider-Man 3’

The Character:

A guy who’s not impressed at seeing New York City’s most famous superhero.

The Scene:

(the guy appears a few times here, but first appears at 0:05 in the lower left between a fireman and a guy in a blue shirt)

Why He Deserves A Moment In The Spotlight

Unless you’ve been living in quarantine in an apartment with no internet, TV, or magazines to read for the past year, you’re probably aware that this Friday, December 17th, marks the arrival of a new Spider-Man movie! But while most superhero fans (myself included) are excited at the thought of seeing some classic characters from Sam Raimi’s time with the webhead, there might be one guy who couldn’t care less.

2007’s ‘Spider-Man 3”s climax features Spider-Man arriving at a construction site to save Mary Jane from both Venom and the Sandman, beginning with a crowd cheering his arrival. But if you look closely, you’ll notice that not everyone is enthusiastic to see him. Specifically, this guy:

Who is this man? Obviously just some unnamed citizen of New York City, but while everyone else is excited and clapping at seeing Spider-Man coming to the rescue, he responds with half-hearted clapping and a look of profound indifference. Maybe he’s an ignored nobody, someone working two jobs just to make ends meet, and he admires Sandman and Venom, in the way that a lonely, powerless individual admires those with the power to get what they want, and wants to see them stick it to The Man.

Sadly for Unimpressed Spectator Guy, Spidey’s interrupted his fun, and he’s going along with the crowd while trying to hide his disappointment at knowing that Spider-Man’s going to save the day. Makes you wonder if he would have been cheering and clapping when Thanos wiped out half of all life in the Universe.

The Best Background Characters: Floppy Hat Guy

October 18, 2020 / Imperfect Glass / Leave a comment

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The Movie:

‘Jaws’

The Character:

A guy in a white hat who’s way too happy during a shark attack.

The Scene:

(The guy in question appears at 2:15 at the bottom of the screen, and at 2:18 on the far left)

Why He Deserves A Moment In The Spotlight

Humans are weird creatures. When faced with catastrophe, disaster, or the wrath of a man-eating shark, you’d expect people to be frozen in fear, frozen in shock, or being one of the few brave souls who charges in to save others.

What you don’t expect is for someone to be having the time of their lives, as one beachgoer does in 1975’s classic, ‘Jaws’.

The fellow in question, a mustached man with a white floppy hat, charges into the water with other adults when the shark attacks poor Alex. But unlike the adults who are trying to get the kids out of the water, Floppy Hat Guy just frolics about with the biggest, dopiest grin, nonplussed at the terrors of the deep turning him into Purina shark chow.

Naturally, one wonders what this man’s story is. Is he high on drugs? Mentally challenged? Secretly in love with the idea of flaunting danger? Getting a thrill out of seeing kids get eaten? Of course, the real answer is that he’s played by an extra who was probably just really happy to be in a movie, but that’s nowhere near as much fun as watching a guy having fun when surrounded by death and sharks.

The Best Background Characters: The Backflipping Goon

June 17, 2020 / Imperfect Glass / Leave a comment

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The Movie:

‘The Matrix Revolutions’

The Character:

A goon with radical backflipping skills.

The Scene:

(The guy in question appears at 2:03)

Why He Deserves A Moment In The Spotlight

You’ve probably heard the saying, ‘Don’t bring a gun to a knife fight.’ Another equal saying should be, ‘Don’t expect aerobatics to save you in a gun fight.’

The goon in this scene distinguishes himself when, after running out of ammo for his pistols, decides that the best course of action is to do backflips across the room. Then he’s shot and dies, complete with a ‘you failed!’ music cue on the soundtrack.

Much like one of Snoke’s guards, this goon stands out because his actions are so nonsenscial. Tactical backflips may look cool, but it’d have been more effective to take cover behind a pillar and survive to keep fighting. But with his sacrifice, Backflip Goon provides a valuable lesson to fighters in fiction: Unless you’re in a comedy where exaggerated actions are used for humorous effect, staying alive in a fight is more important than showing off how acrobatic you are.