If you’re going to make grand finale to a franchise that explores the futility of humanity playing god by bringing dinosaurs back to life and suffering the consequences, don’t make your finale be focused on a cloned girl trying to find her place in a world that’s under siege by locusts. That would be just silly!
Uncategorized
Make A Difference
Nothing writing-related today: in light of Putin’s invasion of Ukraine, advice on writing seems… rather unimportant. But when we feel overwhelmed or don’t know what to do, sometimes life sends us something that can restore just a spark of hope… even it’s just a small promo from a channel dedicated to cartoons:
Just thought it was worth sharing today. And if you want to try and make a difference like I do, here are some links that can help:
List of charities to help Ukraine
Red Cross relief for Ukraine families
Finally, you can contact your representatives and senators and ask that they pursue imposing the strongest sanctions possible against the Russian government for what they’ve done.
Please Call Your Senators and Representatives To Save Youtube
What’s this? A political post on a writing site?! Blasphemy! But before you unsubscribe and turn away, I ask you to please humor me for five minutes, as this affects everyone who enjoys Twitch, Youtube, and other video-sharing sites.
This week, the US congress must pass an Omnibus spending bill to keep the government open. Unlike so many other bills that die in either the House or the Senate, this bill must be passed. But hidden within it are three proposals that could devastate Youtube and other video sites.
Snuck into the bill are three proposals: The CASE Act, the Trademark Monitization Act, and, more importantly, the Felony Streaming Proposal, introduced by Senator Thom Tillis. This proposal, if turned into law when the Omnibus bill passes, would make unauthorized streaming of copyrighted material a felony, which means anyone doing it could face five years in prisons, fines reaching into the hundreds of thousands of dollars, or both. This means that every single person on Youtube who posts any material that isn’t theirs – even if it’s only a few seconds of a song for a meme video– could have their lives ruined.
Yikes.
Now, I’m not pointing this out because I’m in favor of people being able to post whatever they want on Youtube and Twitch; entire movies or albums shouldn’t be uploaded by anyone other than the copyright holder, but the Proposal would be a death warrant for people who stream Let’s Plays of video games, post any footage from a video game, or take clips from films and TV to turn into memes, as well as posting short clips for the purposes of analysis, critique, or review (which are allowed under Fair Use, but the Motion Picture and Music industry will abuse the hell of out of this Proposal if their previous track records are any indication). All the clips I post here on this site would have to go, which means no more Favorite Moments, Perfect Moments, Favorite Background Characters, and Scenes from film and TV in general.
Simply put, this bill is a draconian, no-mercy proposal that doesn’t take the intricacies of video sites into account. It’s an all-or-nothing approach, and while Mr. Tillis claims that it will not affect individual users, I call bullshit. His bill – and the other two – were snuck into the Omnibus spending bill without the public being informed. He knows that the public would erupt as it has in the past with other copyright reform bills (remember SOPA?), and tried to get it into law without being debated and passing both houses based on its own merits, as any bill in a democratic society should be. The fact that he created this bill shortly after getting massive donations from media companies further suggests that he does not have the public interest in mind.
With all that said, I’m asking all of you in the US to please take ten minutes out of your day to call your representatives and Senators in congress and demand that they remove all three bills from the Omnibus bill. Let these proposals pass and fail based on their own merits, instead of being attached to something else in secret like a parasite. You can find their contact information here and here, and here’s a small script that you can follow when you call them:
‘Hello. My name is ________, and I’m calling from_________, to ask Senator/Representative ____________ to please oppose attaching the CASE act, the Trademark Monetization Act, and Senator Thom Tillis’ felony streaming proposal to the Omnibus spending bill. While I believe our copyright system needs to be reformed, these bills should be discussed and voted on based on their individual merits, and not attached to must-pass legislation.
Thank you’
Furthermore, please spread the word on all your social media accounts. Let as many people know about this as possible, and what they can do. Feel free to copy and paste this text if you’d like. Here are a few links that go into more detail about the Proposal if you’d like to include them as well:
The industry has tried these sort of tactics before, but because enough of the public demanded that Congress stop, they were halted. We can do so again, but only if we take action immediately; according to various news reports, the Omnibus spending bill might be unveiled today, Tuesday the 15th. That leaves us with very little time, but we must still try. Copyright law needs to change and adapt for our complex, digital society, but not in secret, and not like this.
No Explosions, No Gun battles, and No Multi-Million Dollar VFX budget: Writing Your Book Like It’s A TV Episode
Recently, I came across an article on io9 about the future of Star Trek films, and a comment written by was a lengthy discussion on what course a hypothetical film should take. The whole comment is a great read, but these two parts jumped out at me:
‘2) follow ST:IVs “no gunfights, no explosions” rule, and that forces the story to find ways to challenge our characters in ways that let them express their character…
6) No gunfights, no explosions. I really want to stress this, because Star Trek doesn’t generally do action well. Even when the effects are great, you have to come up with weird contrivances to explain why Kirk needs to skydive or why Picard needs to take the dune-buggy out. TWOK, arguably the most “action oriented” of original films, doesn’t have much action, and the space battles are very much in the vein of Horatio Hornblower in spaaaaaaace: they’re slow, they’re about positioning and about the crew working together, about tricks and strategy. Which isn’t what audiences really expect, so hell, for our first outing, just don’t. Sci-fi action these days is supposed to look like Marvel movies, and you aren’t making a Marvel movie. Don’t try. Minimize the action beats, to make room for character and wonder.’
Can you imagine that? Writing a science fiction movie that doesn’t rely on explosions, actions, or gunfights? Such films are so common these days that it’s sometimes hard to find ones that don’t feature them. And the longer I thought about it, the more genius the idea became.
Picture this: You’ve been chosen by a major entertainment corporation to write the screenplay for your dream story. Even better? It’s your favorite genre! You finally have the chance to tell that war story, that monster movie, or finally bring your grade school masterpiece, ‘The Rainbow Unicorn Saga Chapter 1: Sparkle Forest Massacre’ to the big screen!
But then the studio tells you that you have a tiny budget. Like, really tiny. Think, ‘TV Budget’ tiny. Because of that, you can’t have any explosions, any gunfights, or fancy visual effects in your story (a few miniatures and matte paintings are okay, but that’s it).
Can you write your movie under those constraints?
Now, take that same principle and apply it to a novel: Can you tell your story without explosions, gunfights, or sequences that, if adapted into a television show, would cost too much to make?
Looking at our work with this mindset may seem like a disadvantage, but it can work out in our favor: We’ll have to focus on characters, their motivations, and their relationships with each other. They’ll have to use their wits to overcome the obstacles in their path. They’ll have to talk more. Any fights will be with their fists and melee weapons, and not with miniguns and plasma rifles. Battles will be limited to maybe a dozen people, and everything takes place in apartment buildings, deserts, and parks conveniently located within ten miles of the LA area.
While it’s easy and fun to write scenes that would be impossible to film, there’s just one problem with that: if your magnum opus is ever published, Hollywood might pass on turning it into the next big blockbuster movie if the price tag is going to be over $300 million. But if your magnum opus could be turned into a movie that could be made for under $50 million, they just might give it a shot.
Consider the following:
*Instead of your epic space saga about aliens destroying the universe with massive fleets that engage in battles that destroy entire solar systems with a single blast, it’s now about an unarmed scout ship trying to find a way to stop the alien fleet before it arrives.
*Your epic, alternate-universe 1940’s WW2 movie that involves giant monsters and robots is now about two soldiers sneaking behind enemy lines to escape hostile territory and only face one monster at the end (that could be portrayed by a guy in a suit on a green-screen set).
*Instead of ‘The Rainbow Unicorn Saga Chapter 1: Sparkle Forest Massacre’ following an epic war of thousands of Unicorns slaughtering armies hired by evil corporations who want to bulldoze Sparkle Forest and turn it into a sewage refinery, it’s now about two villagers trying to find the one unicorn (who turns out to be an anthropomorphic unicorn that could be portrayed by someone in robes and a mask) who could stop the evil corporations, and have to fight their mercenaries using bows, arrows, and knives in sneak attacks at night.
These three scenarios take unfilmable movies and instead turn them into focused character studies. Any action or big events happen sporadically and briefly, and aren’t the main focus of the story, giving our characters more time to grow, interact, and endear themselves to our audiences, who will become more emotionally invested in their adventures.
For all the fun it is to write books and stories about impossibly huge armies, futuristic societies, apocalyptic scenarios, creatures that defy description, and Michael Bay explosionfests, it might be worth trying to write on a budget. Books let our readers use their imagination to bring the impossible to life, but sometimes having limits can help us narrow, focus, and zero in on what’s really important in a story, and help it reach its full potential.
Great Quotes About Writing: Do the Best You Can With What You’re Given
There are a lot of great quotes about writing out there; these are some of the most insightful, thought-provoking, or ‘ah ha!’ ones I’ve come across.
***
‘I think the idea of midichlorians is a lot better than the “anyone can be a Jedi” trope that The Last Jedi tried to push. That’s not the way the world works. Some people are born more smart or talented than others, but it depends on what you do with what you’re given. There’s heroes in the Star Wars universe without high midichlorians that still did great things and others like Anakin that had talent that he wasted. “Do the best you can with what you’re given” is a much more empowering and realistic message than “You can be anything you want to be” ‘
–LandoMT, commenting on ‘The Six Levels of Midichlorians Density‘ (emphasis mine)
So often in stories (and real life) we’re told that we can be anything we want if we push ourselves just a little harder, study a little longer, and keep going when everyone else gives up. It’s a cliche that will never die. But what if your character realizes that they can’t fulfil a dream because, no matter how hard they try, they will never have the skills or the talent to make it come true? The shock of that, coupled with searching for another dream, and then adjusting to work on that one and finding satisfaction in it, can be enormously satisfying because of the conflict the character has to go through.
Great Quotes About Writing: The Wisdom of Batman and Not Taking Things So Seriously
There are a lot of great quotes about writing out there; these are some of the most insightful, thought-provoking, or ‘ah ha!’ ones I’ve come across.
***
‘The Adam West “Batman” teaches us that life is serious and angsty enough without having to get more of it from our entertainment. That it’s ok to be lighthearted and not always take things so seriously. The world would be a better place if more people took this approach.‘
–Matthew Marcinko, commenting on the Honest Trailer for 1966’s, ‘Batman: The Movie’
While this isn’t a quote on writing, per se, it’s still a valuable reminder that not all fiction has to be serious; fun is a part of life, too, and we should cherish and remember that.
Favorite Moments: Shark Possessed by Owl
We all have our favorite moments in movies, books, and games, moments that stay with us long after the story is over. This column is my attempt to examine my favorite moments and see why they stick with me.
***
The Video
Why it’s great
Quick: Imagine a favorite scene from a movie. Let’s go with… Darth Vader revealing to Luke that he’s his dad. Got it? Okay… now, visualize Vader and Luke replaced by toy sharks. The audio’s the same, the sets are the same, and Luke still gives the best ‘NO!’ face ever.
Now, with all that in mind, replace Luke and Vader with shark snapper toys. Suddenly, the scene becomes hilarious because of the sight of inanimate toys talking to each other in an otherwise serious scene, and evidence that replacing cast members with inanimate objects, but otherwise not changing the scene, is comedy gold, as the above video proves (even though it’s with a joke instead of a serious moment).
The Sharknado Series: An Analysis
The year is 2013. While browsing the internet, you come across a poster of an upcoming movie called ‘Sharknado’, showing… Well, sharks in a tornado. Try to remember your first reaction to seeing the poster. Shock? Confusion? A desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol and wonder if God weapt at seeing what His most beautiful creation had created? Or that the Sharknado series would last five years and cover six movies? The fact that the Sharknado franchise managed to keep most of the cast throughout, and end with a planned finale, could be seen as nothing short of a minor miracle.
But what about the quality?
Looking back, a case can be made that the Sharknado movies can be divided into two periods. The first, covering movies one through three, could be considered the serious half, in that there was an attempt at having a somewhat grounded story, while the second half (films four through six), embraces the goofiness, bringing in mech suits, evil shark gods, the Sydney Opera House being turned into a missile platform by Tony Hawk, and time travel. In my opinion, it’s the later three films that are the most memorable precisely because they embrace the silliness. However, craziness will only go so far. While I felt the Sharknado became more entertaining when it abandoned insanity, but it’s hard to shake the feeling that the movies went just a little too long.
Let’s try another mental exercise. Take a look at this photoshopped movie poster. What immediately comes to mind? Probably ridiculous scenes of, say, Samuel L. Jackson getting into a fistfight with a bear inside a flooding chamber inside a sinking nuclear submarine (Having typed that out, I now desperately want to watch it). Whatever you come up with is probably amusing, and would be great to see on the big screen.
Now imagine having to write six movies based on that concept. Could you? One movie, maybe. But six movies? Around a single joke? Not likely.
If there’s one common mistake with the Sharknado series, it’s that it goes on too long, spread out – in the words of Bilbo Baggins – like butter scraped over too much bread. In a single, concentrated dose, the joke is delicious and enjoyable, but when spread out, becomes thin and flavorless. If we take this idea and apply it to the six Sharknado movies, a pattern emerges: The latter three embrace cramming in as many ridiculous scenarios as possible, while the first three try to have scenes of character building and their lives away from the sharknado. While having these things is necessary, a balance must be found, one that favors the sharks and the mayhem they cause. If we were to go through the films and cut out all the fluff and non-sharknado related material, we could end up with something like this:
Movie One: The sharknado appears, destroys Los Angeles, then rampages across the country to destroy New York, with Fin and friends finally destroying it by heading into outer space.
Movie Two: The United States recovers from the devastation of the Sharknado. But then it suddenly comes back in new and twisted forms, and spreads across the globe. Finn and Friends embark on a globe-trotting quest to save humanity.
Movie Three: The sharknadoes return one last time, and kill everyone but Fin, who then embarks on a time traveling adventure to save humanity and everyone he loves.
Don’t those three movies sound compelling? Each one has high stakes, a high concept, and it’s easy to imagine them spending most of their time on the concept that we want to see.
This, I believe, is the ultimate lesson the Sharknado series can teach us: When doing a story based around a single joke or idea, the less time you spend away from that gag, the better. Avoid trying to make things realistic. Avoid trying to be grounded. Embrace the crazy and milk it for everything its worth, because you don’t know if you’re going to get a second go at it.
But while Sharknado may have overstayed its welcome just a little bit, it still provided plenty of laughs, jokes, chainsaws, and a cast of characters that stays and grows throughout the saga, complete with a surprisingly touching theme about the importance of family, and proved that any concept, no matter how silly, can entertain millions.
Great Quotes About Writing – Have Fun, But Don’t Just Check Off Boxes
There are a lot of great quotes about writing out there; these are some of the most insightful, thought-provoking, or ‘ah ha!’ ones I’ve come across.
***
‘…when telling a story, it is important to commit to making the characters, plot developments and other narrative accoutrements actually work on their own merits. If the writers are simply rushing from one plot point to the next instead of making everything feel real and worthy of emotional investment, audiences will intuitively notice and penalize you for it.
In addition, a movie has to have fun telling its story; if it feels like a chore to make it, it will also feel like a chore for those who have to watch it. Finally, it is crucial to bring something new to the table beyond a few interesting ideas sprinkled here and there. Barring that, if you’re going to do a remake, make sure the story that you’re remaking is one that audiences actually want to have told to them.’
-Matthew Rozsa, from this article (emphasis mine)
What we can learn from ‘Water Fight’
Raise your hand if you’ve seen a car commercial that features the following:
*Some rich dude/gal drives their super-expensive luxury car that no ordinary person can afford out of their seventy gazillion dollar home.
*They drive through the empty streets of Los Angeles at night (which are conveniently empty of trash, homeless people, and homeless people having arguments with invisible aliens).
*They’re incredibly happy at their car that looks like every other car in every other car commercial since the 90’s that will one day either be crushed into scrap metal or become a pile of weed-covered rust in the backyard because its owner is a crippled, 90 year old man who is convinced that he will one day restore it, sell it, and become rich.
Sound familiar? I’d estimate that’s about 80% of all car commercials in the United States since the 90’s (the rest are either cars driving around Southern California hills while a creepy kid whispers, ‘zoom zoom’, and cowboys throwing things into pickup trucks while a guy yells, ‘Like a rock!’). With almost every car commercial being almost identical, it takes a lot to stand out. I can only think of three that do so; this one:
and this fake one (warning: This video contains language that is VERY not safe for work):
But the one that stands out for me is this one:
It may be short, but it has one great trick for writers to learn:
When doing a parody fight, have your characters treat it seriously:
I still remember watching this commercial for the first time and laughing at the absurdity of these Matrix-style tough guys going into battle with colorful water pistols, water guns, and water balloons (come to think of it, a remastered version of the Matrix trilogy where everyone wields water guns would be hilarious). Watching the commercial again, what strikes me the most is that the characters treat their situation with the utmost seriousness. They see nothing funny at all about trying to kill each other with H20.
In our own comedic stories, it can be tempting to have characters comment on the absurdity of the situations they’re in; a ‘wink at the audience’ moment, if you will. But I’ve come to realize that those moments should be avoided. When watching a scene unfold, our brains have a good idea of what to expect, but when an unexpected, comedic element is thrown it, it throws us off balance (in a good way), and we enjoy the novelty of seeing something we’ve seen done a hundred times be done in an absurd way.
Think of classic Hollywood parodies: ‘Airplane!’ ‘Monty Python and The Holy Grail’ ‘The Naked Gun’ trilogy. In all of them, their characters don’t see anything funny about the situations they’re going through. Had they laughed, pointed out the absurdity, or otherwise become aware of the parody elements, the films would have lost much of their humor. Thus, when writing our own comedy, perhaps the simplest rule to remember is to keep it straight… and that you probably shouldn’t bring a water pistol to a gun fight.
Imperfect Glass 