Favorite Moments: The most sensible thing anyone has ever done in a horror movie

October 25, 2018 / Imperfect Glass / 3 Comments

We all have our favorite moments in movies, books, and games, moments that stay with us long after the story is over. This column is my attempt to examine my favorite moments and see why they stick with me.

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The Movie

‘Event Horizon’ (1997)

The Scene

Why it’s Great

How often do we watch horror films and watch characters make decisions that lead to death, suffering and misery?

“Wow, dead bodies! Let’s keep going into this dark, spooky house and see what killed these people!”

“Oh my gosh, everyone’s been torn apart in this secret laboratory full of genetically modified animals! We’d better explore and find out what happened!”

“Oh cool, a gateway to an incredibly dangerous dimension full of horrors that will rip our souls apart! Let’s go through! For science!”

My guess is pretty often, which makes it a treat whenever we see characters who, upon seeing death, horror, and downright hellish situations, say, ‘Nope’, turn around, and get out of the area as fast as humanly possible, and ‘Event Horizion’ is one of the rare films that does it. Even better, it’s the leader who’s doing it, and who then delivers the following line:

Weir: You can’t just leave her!

Miller: I have no intention of leaving her, Dr. Weir. I plan to take the Lewis and Clark to a safe distance and then launch TAC missiles at her until I am satisfied the Event Horizon has been vaporized. Fuck this ship!

Of course, that plan doesn’t work out, but it’s still a treat to see an authority figure acting reasonably in a horror film. And if Miller had succeeded, we would have gotten a much happier ending:

Favorite Moments: Jason Voorhees and Michael Myers, best friends forever!

October 18, 2018October 18, 2018 / Imperfect Glass / Leave a comment

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The video

‘Horror Friends Forever’

The Scene

Why it’s Great

Ask most people what would happen if two famous horror icons met, and most would probably say that they’d fight. This isn’t surprising, as watching two famous characters from different franchises fight each other is always going to be a treat. A quick Youtube search of Michel Myers and Jason Voorhees comes up with dozens, if not hundreds of videos of the two fighting it out in both live action, video games, and animation.

But while there’s an undeniable satisfaction in seeing two famous characters duking it out, we rarely get to see the opposite: Having them become best friends and going on adventures together. Robot Chicken’s video has them doing exactly that, and it’s a hoot.

What I like about this video – aside from the subversion of these two famous characters becoming friends instead of killing each other – is how it pokes fun of the standard ‘two people form a happy relationship and have lots of fun’ montage we see in films and TV shows: We get to see two bloodthirsty sociopaths happily cutting down people left and right to bright colors, relentlessly cheerful music, and even making best friend bracelets. It’s a classic example of contrasts: dark subject matter and bright and cheerful ambience. That, and it’s just fun to see these two having so much fun together, doing what they love.

Favorite Moments: ‘Your earring’

October 11, 2018 / Imperfect Glass / Leave a comment

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The Movie

‘The Thing’ (2011 prequel)

The Scene

Why it’s Great

While most people would agree that ‘The Thing’ doesn’t reach the level of it’s legendary predecessor (a bar that would be all but impossible to reach), the movie does have one scene that, in my opinion, matches the original in terms of emotional whiplash : the end where Kate realizes that her final companion, Carter, is actually a Thing.

What’s great about this scene is that there are many things going on that aren’t apparent until it’s watched a second time. Among them are:

*Kate realizing that Carter doesn’t have his earring, showing how observant and quick-thinking she is.

*The horror of realizing that if Kate had gotten into the snowcat with ‘Carter’, she would have suffered a horrific end.

*Seeing ‘Carter’ attempting to get the snowcat going, showing that the Thing is attempting to learn how to drive a vehicle… which leads to the amusing image of it thinking, ‘Crap, crap, crap, how do I drive this thing?!’

*This is the only time, in either film, where a Thing continues to talk normally after being exposed. Sure, it’s trying to stop Kate from turning it into a crispy corpse, but it’s fascinating to imagine being able to actually talk with one and find out exactly what it wants… from a distance and with a flamethrower, of course.

Perhaps my favorite aspect of this scene is that it subverts the all-too-common ‘The bad guy wins at the very last second’ trope that’s present in so many horror movies. Here, ‘The Thing’ manages to avert what would have been a very downer ending, and leave us instead with a bittersweet ending: We know that Lars and everyone at Outpost 31 are doomed, and there’s a strong chance that Kate will just freeze to death, alone in the Antarctic snow, taking with her any chance of informing the outside world of the horrors she and the others found. But there’s also a chance that Kate may live, and even inform the world about what happened, leading to an expedition to bomb the hell out of the area and stop the Thing for good.

Favorite moments: ‘You’re going to die. That’s what’s happening.’

October 4, 2018October 4, 2018 / Imperfect Glass / Leave a comment

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The Movie

‘The Grey’

The Scene

Why it’s Great

It happens all the time: Someone gets injured. They’re bleeding out, they’re in shock, and their comrades, friends, and those they love are frantically telling them that they have to hang on, that help will be there soon, and that they’ll pull through.

How often do you see someone tell the injured person that they’re going to die?

When I first saw ‘The Grey’ back in 2011, this is the scene that stuck with me after I left the theater. Very rarely had I come across a story where a dying person was told, point-blank, that they’re going to die. But while Ottway’s honesty seems as cold as the frozen wastes of Alaska, the resulting scene is – surprisingly – quite touching. While he doesn’t mince words with Lewenden about what’s happening, Ottway does his best to make Lewenden’s last moments as comforting as possible.

Death has a way of revealing who someone really is when they’re faced with the unknown, and all their defenses are gone. There might be no better way to find out what a character is like than when they’re staring death in the face. in ‘The Grey’ we learn everything we need to know about Ottway in one scene: he’s a man who doesn’t hold back on telling the truth, no matter how hard or uncomfortable it is. Yet, he’s not a cruel, heartless person, and does his best to help others, no matter how grim things are, even if it’s only making someone’s death a little less fearful, a little terrifying as they slip away, turning what could have been a sad, heartless scene into one of the most touching moments of the film.

Favorite moments: ‘Who’s that pokemon?’

September 27, 2018September 27, 2018 / Imperfect Glass / 1 Comment

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The video

Why it’s great

This ancient video (well, ancient by internet standards) was a big hit back in 2007; I remember first seeing it in college and laughing out loud. While it doesn’t have that same effect over a decade later, it’s still really funny. But like Korn’s corn powers, there’s nothing out of the ordinary: Someone who’s very passionate about Pokemon incorrectly guesses which creature is on screen and throws a fit. What makes it funny, though, is the contrast of content: We have something cheerful and upbeat that mixes with vulgarity and anger, which can be good for a laugh if you don’t mind profanity, AKA, the Sugar Apocalypse.

What can we take from this? Contrasts of super cheerful and super vulgar can be great fun, but in moderate doses: too much profanity and vulgarity, and the charm can fade. Too little and it won’t have as much effect. And if that vulgarity descends into carnage and bloodshed… well, you might have gone a little too far. But then, why not have the cute side decide to fight back, and while still being cute? You can have a rainbow-colored bloodbath, which can be equally hilarious.

Favorite Moments: The Alien 3 Pepsi Commercial

September 13, 2018 / Imperfect Glass / Leave a comment

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The Commercial

Why it’s great

As a fan of the Alien franchise, there’s a lot to love here:

*The alien itself running around your typical early 90’s alley full of trash that randomly explodes

*Telephone poles that explode

*Soda dispensers that explode(?)

*Seeing the alien catching a can of Pepsi

But the biggest draw of all, the reason this commercial is great, is because it gives us the one thing we have never seen a xenomorph do before or since: burp.

Wait. I should probably have a better explanation of why I like this commercial other than the fact that a xenomorph burps.

There’s something funny and fascinating about seeing big, evil characters or creatures doing non-evil, everyday things, better known as the Villains Out Shopping trope (and the heroic counterpart, Heroes Gone Fishing). We always see villains or monsters at the worst, but finding out what they do when they’re not killing innocents or doing dastardly deeds is a fascinating mental exercise. Here are a few to ponder:

*What does Leatherface do to relax?

*What does Darth Vader do in his spare time?

*What does Jason Vorhees do on days when there’s no one at Camp Crystal Lake?

While the xenomorphs don’t do anything to relax or take away from building hives and building their numbers, it’s still amusing to see them doing normal, everyday things, or being introduced to normal things people do and enjoying them, which can add some great humor to stories.

Favorite Moments: Aim the drill at the ground and turn it on!

September 6, 2018September 11, 2018 / Imperfect Glass / Leave a comment

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The Movie

‘Armageddon’

The Scene

Ben Affleck points out some errors in logic.

Why it’s great

With most science fiction and fantasy films, it’s expected that we’ll have to suspend logic to some degree so the plot can move along. Oil drillers going into outer space to drill holes in a meteor so bombs can blow it up from the inside? Sure, I can go with that. But as Mr. Affleck observes, that may not have been the best solution.

The brilliance of Mr. Affleck’s observation is that sometimes going for the simplest solution in a story is often the best. I don’t know how complicated drilling is, but it probably would be easier to train astronauts to operate drilling equipment instead of training drillers to become astronauts. Of course, that would remove much of the movie’s charm of blue-collar underdogs heading out to save the Earth, and make for a less-exciting second half where we see trained astronauts calmly and professionally drilling to the designated depth, depositing the bomb, and blowing up the meteor with plenty of time to spare.

As stated before, suspending logic happens in every story to some degree, and is expected by audiences. After all, if a mundane solution were applied to every problem in fiction, our stories would be really short and much less exciting, AKA, the Doylist solution; if the Fellowship of the Ring did fly the One Ring to Mt. Doom with the help of the eagles, for example, ‘The Lord of the Rings’ would be a much shorter story. But every now and then, why not try doing the simplest solution in your own fiction? You just might throw the audience off guard and thus get their attention and make them wonder what else you’ll do.

Favorite Moments: The Ringtone of Doom

August 30, 2018March 22, 2019 / Imperfect Glass / 1 Comment

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The Movie

‘Jurassic Park 3’

The Scene

Alan Grant and Erik have a heartwarming, conflict-free reunion with Erik’s parents and Alan’s protege, Billy.

Why it’s great

While ‘Jurassic Park 3’ is considered an okay movie by most Jurassic Park fans, it does feature one brilliant scene: The spinosaurus sneaking up on Alan Grant and the other reunited survivors, and announcing its presence via the ringtone of Mr. Kirby’s cell phone inside its stomach.

To me, this scene is great because it has several layers to it:

1. The reunion between Erik and his parents, who have been seperated for over two months.

2. The realization that Mr. Kirby doesn’t have his cell phone, leading us, the viewer, to try and remember where it is, as the last time we saw it was far earlier in the film, giving us enough time to gradually forget about it.

3. The sinking, ‘Uh oh’ feeling when we realize exactly where it is.

4. The revelation of the spinosaurus, and then realizing that it’s been watching the group in silence.

5. The idea that the spinosaurus was purposefully waiting to attack after everyone noticed it, which implies an intelligence dinosaurs don’t normally have, and even a dark sense of humor.

Is it a cheat to have the spinosaurus, the Kirbys, and Grant/Erik to be wandering all in the exact same area at a specific time when the phone jingles? Yes, but this is a time where such a far-fetched coincidence works, because it leads to a great scene that combines a heartwarming moment, humor, and then dread/terror all in a little over a minute, and manages to make a silly cell-phone jingle one of the most terrifying sounds in the world.

So, what can we take from this scene? It’s okay to occasionally have an impossible coincidence if it leads to a great scene, and making a corny sound effect herald the arrival of death and doom is a great way to have both terror and comedy coexist at once.

Favorite Moments: Gandalf Destroys the Ring

August 23, 2018 / Imperfect Glass / Leave a comment

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The Movie

‘Gandalf Destroys The Ring’

The Scene

Having finally found the One Ring, Gandalf destroys it.

Why it’s great

When it comes to dark lords in fiction, we expect them to be nearly-invincible abominations who can only be defeated through great sacrifice, peril, and suffering. But what if they could be defeated with hardly any effort?

The reason I love this fan edit so much is that it turns Sauron, a dark lord so powerful that he’s almost impossible to defeat, into a joke. His source of power, instead of being thrown into a volcano in the heart of his own realm, is destroyed by being thrown into a fireplace. It’s a brilliant subversion of the dark lord trope, and helps us imagine an alternate version of The Lord of the Rings where Sauron is so determined to conquer Middle-Earth, but he’s incompetent and easily foiled, turning him into a comedic figure instead of a force of pants-wetting terror.

In our own comedic stories, consider making your dark lord a force of utter terror that scares the pants off everyone who hears his/her/its name, who has armies beyond count, minions without end, and a will that can never be broken, and then have him be defeated in seconds:

*Someone shoots him with a gun or a bow.

*He’s hit with a rock.

*He trips and breaks his back (due to the ornate, impractical, and scary armor they’re no doubt wearing).

*His object of power is destroyed by hitting it with a rock (or a hammer).

And when all is said and done, the Dark Lord’s forces stand around in awkward silence and wonder what they’re going to do now.

Favorite Moments: ‘Oh well!’

August 16, 2018September 11, 2018 / Imperfect Glass / Leave a comment

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The Movie

‘JAWS by 70’s Kids’

The Scene

A teenage Chief Brody, his best buddy Ben, and a random kid in swim trunks head out to take on a killer shark in a lake. It goes as well as you’d expect.

Why it’s great

While this fan-made squeal to 1975’s ‘Jaws’ is charming on its own with its homemade production values, it features a moment that always cracks me up whenever I see it: At 3:04, the shark attacks a sailboat, knocking the random kid into the water. His companions yell at him to swim for his life, but to no avail; the poor kid is gobbled up by ~~a plastic toy shark in a fish tank~~ the bloodthirsty shark. But what’s different is what happens afterwords: Brody and Ben shrug, and Brody says, ‘Oh well.’

If ‘Jaws by 70’s Kids’ was made today, Brody and Ben would be stricken with grief, wondering if they could have done anything to save their fallen comrade. It’s a scene we see over and over again in any movie involving… well, danger of any kind. But when was the last time you see one of the survivors shrug, admit there’s nothing to be done, and move on immediately without any kind of grief?

A character with that kind of reaction tells the audience there’s something off about that individual: They might be a psychopath who has no emotional attachment to anyone besides themselves; they might be a ditzy-do who is seemingly oblivious to suffering; they might have been so traumatized by losing people they love in the past that they now treat everything as a joke to cope with it. But here, it’s just funny seeing two kids frantically yell at someone else to swim for their life, and then half-heartily mourn his death afterwords.