We all have our favorite moments in movies, books, and games, moments that stay with us long after the story is over. This column is my attempt to examine my favorite moments and see why they stick with me.
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The Movie:
The scene, and why it’s great
One constant source of unintentional comedy in film is movies that are rushing to get to the end credits as quickly as possible. While great stories take the right amount of time – whether it’s a few minutes or a dozen – to wrap things up, say goodbye, and give characters closure, other stories say, ‘nah, screw that’ and just wrap things up in a few seconds. One of my favorite examples of this comes from ‘Dracula 3000,’ a story that re-imagines Bran Stoker’s timeless tale, but in space! Oh yeah, and Dracula is now called Orlock, and all vampires are now aliens who come from the planet Transylvania (yet dress up in the finest vampire apparel you can get from Spirit Halloween specially tailored for them by their fellow vampires)
As you might imagine, the film doesn’t have the best reputation. Most would say the best thing about it is the H.R. Giger inspired cover art, and maybe Coolio being in outer space. But for me, the best part is the final ten seconds. Behold:
On July 17th, 1987, the world of cinema was changed forever as humanity witnessed the cinematic spectacle of Jaws: The Revenge, a film that thrilled moviegoers, took the world by storm, and became the first movie to earn over a billion dollars at the box office, win every academy award, and be heralded by many as the stunning and moving conclusion to the Jaws saga… or, at least, that probably happened in a parallel universe. In ours, Jaws: The Revenge was such a critical and financial flop that the Jaws franchise dropped dead, continuing only in the form of the occasional video game, LEGO set, and clothing line.
But what if I told you that the Jaws series, while seemingly dead, is actually part of a much larger narrative that has continued to this day?
What if I told you that the Jaws series was actually part of the Terminator film series?
But how could a movie series about a family fighting shark after shark after shark share a world with time-traveling killer robots, you might ask? Simple: My theory is that the events of the Jaws series chronicle Skynet dispatching robotic Terminator-sharks to kill Sean and Michael Brody, who will eventually grow up to become high-ranking lieutenants in the Resistance, and – supported and helped by their parents – become invaluable in humanity winning the war against the machines.
Impossible, you might say; there’s no evidence to support such a theory. But when you examine all four Jaws films, there is! This evidence can be grouped into three categories:
*The behavior of the sharks in the series
*The appearance of the sharks in the series
*Time travel erasing the events of the third film from existence.
Shark Behavior
Let’s begin with the behavior of the sharks in all four films, and how they reveal that all six sharks (yes, six) are Terminators.
Jaws
*When hunting sharks, Quint fires harpoons into their skin, which are then tethered to barrels, which serves to tire the sharks out and prevent them from diving. However, the film’s shark can dive down and stay underwater even with three barrels attached to it, something which even Quint admits is impossible. Could a normal shark do that? No… but a robot shark from the future can!
*At the film’s climax, Brody defeats the shark by shooting an air tank in its mouth, causing both to explode.
*Early in the movie, the corpse of a killer whale is discovered with teeth marks that match that of a great white shark.
However, killer whales are natural predators of great white sharks due to their size, speed, and intelligence, and travel in pods, making it very unlikely (though not impossible) that the film’s shark could have killed this orca… unless it was a killer robot with an extremely powerful bite force that had to attack the orca to prevent damage to its outer skin that could reveal its metallic interior and blow its cover.
*The shark survives being next to an exploding boat. At such close range, a normal shark would have been blown up or killed by the resulting shockwave. Yet, this one survives without so much as a scratch.
*In perhaps the most irrefutable piece of evidence that the shark is a terminator, notice how when it tries to eat Michael, its metallic innards can clearly be seen!
*The shark is strong enough to not only stop a helicopter from taking off from the water, but is also able to overturn it.
*The shark is defeated by a massive jolt of electricity.
While this would kill an ordinary shark, it also makes sense that a Terminator could be killed by a massive, sustained current of electricity. While this has never been shown on-screen, The T-X in Terminator 3, and the T-800 in Terminator: Genysiswere momentarily incapacitated when exposed to an electric current. In Jaws 2, it’s conceivable that a stronger and more sustained current would short-circuit and destroy the terminator trying to kill Chief Brody.
Jaws 3
*Compared to the sharks in the previous two films, the sharks in this movie display an increasingly mechanical, non-lifelike appearance, something consistent with a robotic shark covered with a crude rubber skin.
*The smaller shark (a Terminator sent back with a larger unit to infiltrate small areas) is a very weak model; not only is unable to kill its chosen targets when it could have easily done so, but upon being stabbed by an incredibly lucky hit from Kay into a motor servo, the shark is paralyzed and unable to do anything.
Later, the continued exposure to salt water finally short-circuits the Terminator’s CPU and it becomes inoperable.
*When approaching the underwater control room, the main shark freezes up, appearing to glide into the windows, only opening its mouth at the last second. A normal, organic shark wouldn’t try to ram a building, much less just glide towards it, but a robot that’s glitching and experiencing mechanical problems certainly would.
*When stuck inside the control room after crashing through the glass, the shark doesn’t suffocate; Great White Sharks need to continuously keep moving in order to get oxygen through their gills, and since the shark can move around and attack for a few minutes without breathing (as well as swim backwards, which it did inside the filtration pipe, which is enormously difficult for a real Great White, even more so when the creature is suffocating), it is clearly a non-organic organism.
Jaws The Revenge
*In the opening scene, the shark purposefully damages a buoy to lure Sean out to the area, where it then attacks and kills him.
Seeing as Great Whites cannot lay traps for humans, the only way this makes sense if if the shark was a robot with knowledge that Sean was a police officer, and thus likely to be called out to deal with a damaged buoy.
*When Ellen, Michael, and his family fly to the Bahamas, it’s commonly assumed that the shark pursues them, a journey of about 1,359 miles, in a day or two. Even for a Terminator with nigh-infinite stamina, crossing that distance in that time is impossible. Thus, I would like to propose that there are not one, but two Terminator sharks in the film: One at Amity, and one in the Bahamas: when the Brody family leaves Amity, the Terminator stationed there (who got a visual ID on Michael, Ellen, Carla, and Thea) dispatches a message to its peer in the Bahamas, who is then ready and waiting when Michael and the others arrive.
*In the Bahamas, the shark repeatedly targets the Brody family and ignores other humans, even when it would be easy to kill them:
-The shark swims next to Jake’s minisub and, upon realizing that he’s not Michael, ignores him. Later, when Michael is piloting the same submarine, the shark immediately goes after him.
-When the shark pursues Michael through the ship, it rams a ladder at one point, briefly exposing it’s mechanical innards.
-The shark goes after Thea on the banana boat, but terminates the wrong person by mistake.
-The shark attacks Hoagie on his boat, but upon realizing that he’s not a Brody, lets him go.
-The shark attacks Jake and injures him, but, once again, notices that he isn’t a designated target and lets him go.
*Michael’s plan of using electrical impulses to disrupt the shark’s brain probably wouldn’t work in real life (I couldn’t find any information online if it would, so I’m leaning towards no), making the scene of the shark hopping around and roaring impossible under any circumstance.
However, the scene does work if the pulse is scrambling the Terminator’s CPU and internal circuitry, causing it to malfunction and act erratically, including making the aforementioned roaring; though rarely seen in the Terminator films, Terminators do have the ability to vocally mimic voices and presumably sounds. Perhaps the roar was on file if it really wanted to scare its victims.
*The shark has a heartbeat that can be picked up using sensors. However, the heartbeat momentarily stops just before Jake is attacked. Can an organic shark momentarily stop its heart? No. Can a terminator with an artificial heart do the same? Yes.
*When impaled by the boat at the climax, the shark explodes. Again, impossible for a real shark, but possible if Ellen hit an explosive component of the Terminator’s innards, like how Martin destroyed the Terminator in the first film.
The Shark’s Appearances
Now to the second piece of evidence: the shark’s appearance in all four films: Where T-800 and subsequent Terminators have perfect organic coverings, Terminator sharks… don’t.
Why is this? Having placed a priority on infiltrating human resistance groups on land, Skynet has little need to use aquatic Terminators, so much less effort is spent developing a perfect appearance for them. While they do have skin, blood, and internal organs to allow them to pass as sharks, they become noticeably more fake-looking as the series goes on, suggesting that Skynet is resorting to rush jobs in a desperate attempt to go after the Brody family before its defeat at the hands of the Resistance.
The Third Film Never Happening
While all four films take place in the same continuity, Sean and Michael look completely different in Revenge compared to the third film, complete with different careers (Mike was an engineer for Seaworld, but is then a marine research scientist). Why is that? Because Skynet managed to alter the timeline at one point strongly enough that the events of the third film never happened, erasing it from existence, and subsequently altering history so that Michael and Sean aged differently and followed different paths in life.
The idea of the past being altered to cause subsequent stories never take place has happened numerous Terminator films; Genysis erased Judgement Day, Rise of the Machines, and Salvation from continuity, while Dark Fate ignores every film that takes place after Judgement Day.
Problems With The Theory:
Despite the three lines of evidence mentioned above, there are still problems that need to be addressed:
1. Why didn’t Skynet just send back T-800’s to take out the Brody siblings like it did in the Terminator films?
-We don’t know how many T-800 and humanoid Terminators Skynet has. We also don’t know the energy requirements on sending a single infiltrator unit back in time, but considering how Skynet has sent only a handful throughout the films, it can be deduced that sending Terminators through time costs considerable resources, and thus Skynet can’t send tens of thousands through history to wipe out the Connors and their lieutenants.
Though they are valuable targets, the Brody family are not as high a priority as Sarah and John Connor. By wiping out the leader of the Resistance, Skynet has a much higher chance of winning its war against humanity, with everyone else in Connor’s line of command being secondary targets at best. Thus, it makes more sense to send advanced infiltrator units after the Connors, and less-advanced units like the Terminator sharks after everyone else.
2. Why do the Terminators in the first three films go after random people instead of exclusively targeting the Brodys?
-Skynet knows that the Brody family lived on Amity island, but because of records being lost on Judgement Day, Skynet does not know exactly where they lived or what they looked like. Thus, because it can’t spare valuable T-800’s to go after them, and can’t send cruder models like the T-600 (who would be easily detectable), the only logical choice is to dispatch multiple Terminator sharks through time to kill the Brodys, attacking people who fit the description of their targets (a middle-aged woman, man, and two adolescent boys) in the hope of chomping down on their targets. This is averted in the fourth film, where, as noted above, the first Terminator in Amity manages to get visual identification of Michael, Ellen, and Thea, and sends that information to its counterpart in the Bahamas.
3. If the shark in the first film is trying to kill the Brody family, why doesn’t the shark just ram the Orca and quickly kill everyone aboard?
-I admit that there is no easy answer to this problem. Perhaps due to being manufactured relatively quickly and being nowhere near as advanced as their landlocked peers, the Terminator sharks might be vulnerable to the effects of salt water and subsequently find their CPUs glitching out at random moments, forcing them to retreat in order to try and correct the problem, only returning when they are back to 100% operational efficiency. Thus, the reason the Terminator in Jaws doesn’t just ram the boat and sink it instantly is because these glitches are happening more and more frequently, forcing it to retreat more often. This also explains why the Terminator swims right by Michael in the first film when it could have easily killed him.
Conclusion
While the aforementioned problem does put a dent in this theory (along with other little nitpicks, such as the Terminator killing a fish for no reason in Jaws 3), adding up the three bodies of evidence still produces a very strong case that the Jaws and Terminator films take place in the same universe. Though silly, this theory has the advantage of retroactively helping improve the quality of the sequels by resolving plot holes, production errors, and the nonsensical idea of sharks seeking revenge on specific individuals (while roaring).
But most importantly, the sequels – long-seen as inferior and unnecessary followups to the original film – can now be seen as important parts of a larger, two-franchise narrative, where a family unknowingly fights off and defeats the agents of a malevolent supercomputer that wants to kill them before they can help save humanity. While Martin and Sean are ultimately killed (indirectly, in Martin’s instance), Michael and Ellen make it through and survive to one day join the Resistance and save the human race. And when viewed in this light, the Jaws series is given something it hasn’t had since 1987: a fitting and satisfying conclusion that ties everything together, and ends the saga of the Brody family on a high note.
Every story has a cast of characters that we follow and watch and come to love… but what about the background characters? The nameless masses who rarely get our attention? This column examines my favorite background characters who deserve a moment in the spotlight.
The Movie:
‘White House Down’
The Character:
A fighter pilot who needs to rethink their career choices
The Scene:
(the pilot in question appears at 1:18 in the lower left part of the screen)
Why They Deserve A Moment In The Spotlight
I’m a sucker for background characters who… aren’t good at their jobs. And while I think this guy takes the cake for that title, the unseen fighter pilot in this clip comes in a close second: As one of two fighter pilots escorting Air Force One, you’d think that they would be highly trained, capable, and able to defend the President of the United States from any incoming threats. While audiences expect background guard characters to be bad a their jobs and fall with little to no effort, it’s a nice surprise when it turns out that they’re actually competent and know what they’re doing (Like Unknown Hero Agent Man) and can defend the main characters. So when an ICBM rockets towards Air Force One, our pilot notices the threat on their radar and immediately takes action, deploying flares to confuse the missile’s guidance system, causing it to veer harmlessly off course, saving the president and – by extension – America!
Just kidding! The pilot doesn’t do anything as the big missile shoots up and blasts Air Force One into scrap metal. Only then does the pilot (presumably) yell, “Deploying countermeasures!” fire off their flares, and then heroically fly away as fast as possible while Air Force One plunges to its doom. While they would no doubt be fired and given a very stern talking-to by their commander, the pilot could hopefully reflect on their failures, resolve to do better, and finally realize that, at the end of the day, the real countermeasures were the friends we made along the way.
The year is 1999, and a new Star Wars movie was coming out for the first time in 16 years. To say that people were excited is putting it mildly; no film since – not even the sequel trilogy – has come close to the anticipation the world had for Menace. No matter where you went, you were bombarded with commercials, promotions, toys, and this thing. And on May 19th, my family and I went to the theater, took our seats, and were caught up in the thunderous cheers of the audience as the title finally appeared… And then we were informed that the taxation of intergalactic trade routes was in dispute.
Uh oh.
Two hours later, we walked out into the night, and I was… satisfied. The Phantom Menace wasn’t the masterpiece of escapism I had hoped it would be, but I still liked it. Unfortunately, a lot of other people didn’t, and the film became synonymous with everything that was wrong with Star Wars, becoming the butt of a great many (admittedly hilarious) jokes.
Yet, as the decades have passed, views towards The Phantom Menace have softened, to the point where many in the Star Wars fandom look back on it fondly. Thus, in the spirit of celebrating the film’s 25th anniversary, here are 10 great things about The Phantom Menace.
1. It tells a new story
If The Phantom Menace was made today, it would lean heavily on nostalgia and familiar story beats from previous films (as The Force Awakens would do decades later), but George Lucas didn’t do that. Instead, he told a new story about the twilight of a democratic republic that was rotting away from within, a logical counterpart to the original trilogy’s saga of fighting to save the galaxy from a fascist empire. And while we do get some returning characters and locations from the original trilogy, almost everything else in Menace – from Naboo, Coruscant, Luke and Leia’s mom, a look at how the galaxy’s government runs, and our very first look at the Jedi order – are fresh and unique. Even if the story didn’t quite work out as fans had wanted, Lucas is to be commended for trying something new and not just re-telling a story that had already told.
2. Qui-Gon Jinn
While it’s great to see Obi-Wan Kenobi in his younger years (played wonderfully by Ewan Mcgregor), my favorite character of Menace is his tutor, Qui-Gon Jinn. Jinn is a fascinating Jedi who, instead of the orthodox Obi-Wan and dogmatic Yoda, seeks to follow the spirit of Jedi law instead of its letter. He believes in focusing on the moment, listening to the Force, and doing what’s right, regardless of what others think, even if it involves bending the rules to achieve a greater good. But most of all, he’s a good man who doesn’t talk down to others:
With Liam Neeson’s warmth, focus, authority, and just a touch of mischievousness, Qui-Gon remains my favorite Jedi in the Star Wars saga.
3. Anakin Skywalker
Much has been written over the years about how ill-advised it was to have Anakin Skywalker be a 9 year old kid in Menace, and even more has been written about Jake Lloyd’s portrayal of the galaxy’s most infamous Jedi. While I agree that it probably would have been better to introduce him as a teenager, I still think Anakin’s fine in the film; he is, after all, a 9 year old boy and acts like it. And much like how even Sauron was not evil in the beginning, I liked seeing the boy who would be Vader as an innocent kid who – despite being a slave his whole life – is still compassionate and helps total strangers without any thought of reward. It’s a refreshing reminder that Vader didn’t start out as an evil little brat who enjoyed force-choking other kids who stole his blue milk at lunchtime, but an ordinary person who could do either great good or great evil.
4. The Prophecy of the Chosen One
Perhaps no other trope has been done to death than prophecies about chosen ones who will save the world, and Star Wars has its own with the prophecy of the one who will bring balance to the Force. But Menace smartly and cleverly uses this trope to add a whole new layer of depth to Anakin. In the original trilogy, he was little more than glorified muscle for the Emperor, but here we learn that he was created by the Force itself to bring balance, turning Vader into a tragic figure who could have been the most powerful and most famous Force user in history, but became a cripple who lost everything due to his fear of loss. This twist is an excellent example of a prequel enriching a previous story by adding more complexity that originally didn’t exist, letting us see beloved characters in a new light that makes them even more compelling than before.
5. The Jedi Order aren’t the heroes we thought they were
Throughout the original trilogy, the Jedi were revered as mythical beacons of truth, justice, and the American way. In Menace, we finally see them in their heyday… and discover that they’re a dogmatic, self-righteous cult. While the corruption and fallibility of the Jedi would be explored in subsequent movies (and get really torn apart in The Last Jedi decades later), Menace shows how, as the Republic became corrupt and decayed from within, so too, did the Jedi order, and nowhere is this more telling than when the Jedi council tests Anakin:
Rather than being compassionate and understanding towards this little boy who has do to leave everyone and everything he’s ever known to follow a dream, they treat him with contempt and refuse to take him on because he’s too old, revealing that the Jedi – for all intents and purposes – brainwash children into their order without giving them a choice on if they want to join or not. And in one of the saga’s biggest twists of irony, this lack of compassion and decency towards Anakin sows the seeds of the council’s own destruction at his hands years later. (Notice the death-glare Anakin gives Mace when he says that Anakin won’t be trained.)
The Last Jedi may have been mocked for trying to subvert audience expectations, but Menace did it first by making the Jedi order horribly flawed instead of morally pure defenders of the light. While their individual members may be good beings dedicated to doing what’s right, their organization was as decayed as the Republic they served.
6. The Beauty of Naboo
While Tatooine once again comes back to showcase its endless seas of sand, dirt, and rock, Menace takes us to two new planets: Coruscant and Naboo. Coruscant is a breathtaking example of a city-planet, but Naboo easily takes the award for the most beautiful planet in the Star Wars universe.
With beautiful rolling green hills, towering waterfalls, Byzantine buildings, and Baroque/Rococco interiors, Naboo is a gorgeous example of a sci-fi society that has achieved harmony with nature, and becoming a place you’d actually want to visit and live in. (Yeah, electing pre-teens to be their leaders is an odd quirk, but eh.)
7. The Podrace
If someone asked you to imagine The Phantom Menace with a single scene, the climactic lightsaber fight at the end would probably come to mind. But coming in close behind would probably be the podrace, and with good reason: ILM pulled out all the stops to create a fast-paced, exciting, outer-space remake of the legendary chariot scene from Ben-Hur, and they succeeded.
While its story purpose is a bit silly (Anakin needs to win so that his new friends can get a new engine for their spaceship), the sequence is a visual and audio marvel, and gives Anakin a chance to show off his mechanical and piloting skills. It’s a scene like no other in the Star Wars saga, and a thrill ride no matter how may times you see it.
8. Sio Bibble
There’s a politician in the Star Wars universe named Sio Bibble who looks like he’s a human-sized gnome. I love it!
9. Duel of the Fates
It may still be affectionately mocked 25 years after it was released, but The Phantom Menace does one thing perfectly, and that’s the legendary battle between Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, and Darth Maul at the film’s climax. Before the film came out, lightsaber fights were slow, grounded, and realistic duels between inexperienced moisture farmers, old men, and asthmatic space cyborgs. But here, George Lucas showed what duels were like between Force-users in their prime with jumping, flipping, and multiple combatants, double-bladed lightsabers, and one of the most incredible pieces of music John Williams has ever composed. Lucas succeeded so well that this type of fighting remains the standard in all Star Wars media to this day, and the fight itself remains arguably the most epic in any of the films.
But beyond the exciting visuals and music, there’s a deeper theme at work here: This fight isn’t just about Jedi fighting Sith, but is a duel for the fate of Anakin’s soul. If Qui-Gon won, he could have potentially helped Anakin stay in the light… but Obi-Wan was left to take up Anakin’s training, a move that, as he will admit to Luke many years later, had disastrous consequences for the galaxy.
10. The Phantom Menace
Though there are deaths, military occupations, and Anakin leaving his mother, The Phantom Menace is a lighthearted story that ends on a happy note: Naboo is liberated, Darth Maul is vanquished, The Trade Federation can kiss their trade franchise goodbye, and Anakin begins his Jedi training… but as the film’s credits come to an end, and the final, quiet notes of Anakin’s theme fades out, we hear the distant echo of Darth Vader breathing.
For years, I’ve just enjoyed it as a chilling easter egg reminding us of Anakin’s dark destiny, but it wasn’t until recently that I realized that, in a way, Anakin himself is the Phantom Menace. Though Palpatine is the greatest evil in the Star Wars galaxy and has started his plan to gain ultimate power, it’s Anakin who will destroy the Jedi, terrorize the galaxy, and, in the end, kill Palpatine. He’s the ultimate threat to everyone in the film, and no one – not even Palpatine himself – suspects this. Thus, hearing Vader’s breathing is a reminder that while Palpatine is the one calling the shots, it’s Anakin who will bring them all down.
Those are my favorite ten things about The Phantom Menace. What are yours? Sound out below in the comments!
If you could choose one fictional place to live in, what would it be? Would you go live in Hogwarts? A penthouse somewhere on Coruscant? Or maybe getting your very own Hobbit-hole in the Shire is more up your alley? Anyone who’s fallen in love with a book, a movie, or a game has fantasized about living in a particularly loved location; here are ten of my favorites.
10. The Matrix (The Matrix franchise)
Image created by me using Deviantart’s DreamUp AI art generator.
Why I’d love to live there: Wait a minute! you might say; why would you want to live inside the Matrix?! Isn’t it a prison for humanity? Well, the first six were, but the Matrix I’m referring to would be one that takes place after the film series, where humanity is aware that they live in virtual reality, but they and the machines are no longer at war. While the machines work to rebuild the surface of the Earth to make it habitable for humans again, humanity chills out in the Matrix to give the machines the power they need, and thanks to their world being virtual, people can now alter it so that they can choose how they look, what clothes they wear, and have increased physical abilities, including – if you’re lucky – flight! And since real estate isn’t an issue, humanity could finally reach a state where everyone is housed and poverty is eliminated forever. Yeah, it may be all digital trickery, but as Morpheus pointed out, your mind would make it real.
Potential drawbacks: While I think everyone would love being able to bend the laws of physics, the possibility of people abusing these new abilities is very high. While most people would be content to be able to fly around in the digital world, abusers, criminals, sociopaths, and bullies would abuse their new powers, and conflicts could become even more dangerous than they are now. So while the Matrix would be very cool, it could also be very dangerous.
9. The Enterprise D (Star Trek: The Next Generation)
Image: Paramount Pictures
Why I’d love to live there: The Enterprise D is a huge spaceship filled with all the wonders the 24th century has to offer, including one of the greatest fictional devices ever created: the holodeck, a place where almost any fantasy you can dream up can come to life. And when you’re not living out your favorite daydreams, you can visit the arboretum, watch the stars from Ten Forward, enjoy a stroll through the ship while listening to the hum of the engines, and visit the onboard dolphins. (No, really, there are dolphins on the Enterprise.) Accommodations are nice, too; if you can snag one of the officer’s quarters, you get a lovely view of space and funky iridescent bedding! Coupled with the ship’s enormous size, and the timeless 80’s sci-fi design, you’d have a nice place to call home.
Potential drawbacks: As Q so memorably pointed out, space is no place for the timid: Being assimilated by the Borg, being dissolved by giant crystal entities, encountering space anomalies that turn you into monkeys or trap you inside a never-ending time loop, and any other number of galactic hazards are some of the things you might encounter, so if you want to live on the Enterprise, maybe do so when it becomes a museum ship.
8. The Glass Tower (The Towering Inferno)
Image: 20th Century Fox/Warner Bros.
Why I’d love to live there: The Glass Tower is, in my opinion, one of the most beautiful skyscrapers ever to appear in film. Not only is the gold exterior a beautiful, simple, timeless look, but the interior has a wonderfully charming 70’s decor, right down to the interior elevators. But the big perk is the views: no matter where you live in the tower, you would get breathtaking views of the city, the bay, and the surrounding areas.
Potential drawbacks: Well, there is the itsy, bitsy, tiny fact that the tower catches on fire due to faulty wiring due to cut corners and cost saving measures during construction. And considering that the tower is in San Francisco, your monthly rent would be about 18 trillion dollars. So unless you magically get a free, lifetime lease, you’d have to be quite rich to live there.
7. Mêlée Island (The Secret of Monkey Island)
Image: Lucasfilm Games
Why I’d love to live there: As a night owl, the never-ending nightlife of Melee Island (It’s always 10 PM), is a big plus for me, as is the peaceful town and wilderness to explore: nothing can hurt you here, there are plenty of shops to visit, and the island’s vast forests are beautiful to walk through without fear of wild animals and other threats.
Potential drawbacks: As this is also a pirate town in the 1700’s, you don’t have things like electricity, the internet, movies, or TV shows to keep you occupied on Melee Island, so once you’ve explored and seen everything, there’s not much else to do.
6. Equestria (My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic)
Image: Hasbro
Why I’d love to live there: Who says you have to live somewhere with nothing but humanoids to keep you company? Equestria is a land filled with adorable ponies who are happy to be your friend, and there are plenty of places to live with them, from towns to deserts, palaces and islands, and even floating cities, all but guaranteeing that you’ll find somewhere you like. Plus, Equestria is watched over by a benevolent monarch who has ruled it for over 1,000 years without succumbing to madness or becoming a dictator; if only we were blessed with leaders that good.
Potential drawbacks: Magic is real in this universe, and while there are beneficial spells, there’s also plenty of harmful and destructive spells that can brainwash you, turn you into other creatures, or kill you. And despite having lots of friendly ponies to live with, there are also lots of unfriendly ponies and monsters who either want to eat you or conquer the world, and have the ability to do so thanks to aforementioned magic. Oh yeah, and there are flying spiders.
5. Cape Suzette (Talespin)
Image: Disney
Why I’d love to live there: Saturday morning cartoons of my childhood had lots of cool fictional places where adventures took place, but the only one I’d like to live in as an adult would be Cape Suzette from Disney’s Talespin. Set in a fictional 1930’s inhabited by anthropomorphic animals, Suzette is a sequestered, art-deco metropolis nestled in a towering mountain range and a beautiful cove, making it the perfect hub for the adventurous type. But the biggest draw is the apartment of Rebecca Cunningham:
Image: Disney
Even as a little kid, I thought her place was incredible, and as an adult it’s a strong contender for the most beautiful fictional apartment I’ve ever seen. Assuming money wasn’t a problem, this is where I’d love to live!
Potential drawbacks: Aside from being the only human in the city, you’d have to contend with raids by air-pirates, and every trip outside of the city’s boundaries is fraught with danger. There’s also the fact that the city’s de-facto ruler is a ruthless tiger who isn’t afraid to do anything and everything to increase his own wealth and power, so if he decided to ruin your life, there’s a strong chance he could get away with it.
4. Valinor (The Silmarillion/ The Lord of the Rings)
Image: Amazon Studios
Why I’d love to live there: Valinor, the land of Middle-Earth’s gods, is one of the most fascinating places to me in JRR Tolkien’s universe, and the one place I’d love above all others to visit, or, better yet, live in: being free from evil, you could explore all its wonders, from the tallest mountains in existence, to the most majestic trees in creation, and the magical Gardens of Lórien, the most beautiful place in all of Arda. And if you wanted to, you could even visit the Halls of Mandos, the dwelling place of the dead; that sounds fun, right? But one of the most amazing draws would be living amongst elves and the gods themselves, beings who helped shape and create Arda and have seen the creator god – Eru – face to face.
Potential drawbacks: It’s said many times throughout Tolkien’s mythology – and by Tolkien himself – that mortals cannot live in Valinor because their lives would be greatly shortened due to the overwhelming magical power of the island, and they’d die cursing that they alone aged while everything around them seemed to never change. Yet, Frodo, Sam, and Gimili lived there in a state of peace and healing, suggesting that mortals can stay in the blessed realm if they accept death and don’t seek immortality. Thus, any would-be-mortal-resident would have to decide if living among elves, gods, and all their wonders is worth a greatly-reduced lifespan.
3. Dinotopia (The Dinotopia series by James Gurney)
Image: James Gurney
Why I’d love to live there: IT’S A UTOPIA WHERE HUMANS LIVE SIDE BY SIDE WITH DINOSAURS HOLY S**T THAT IS AWESOME.
Ahem; sorry.
To tone down my inner child, Dinotopia is one of the most wondrous, peaceful, utopian places I’ve ever found in fiction. A place where dinosaurs have survived to the present day and live peacefully with humans in cities, towns, jungles, mountaintop temples, and seaside communities, all brought to life by James Gurney’s beautiful artwork. For children and adults alike, it’s a place so many would love to call home, myself among them.
Potential drawbacks: Encountering carnivores who are not afraid to embrace their more savage side. Thankfully, you have to go out of your way to encounter them, so the threat is minimal, meaning that most of Dinotopia is one of the safer places on this list.
2. The Culture (The Culture series by Iain Banks)
Image created by me using Deviantart’s DreamUp AI image generator
Why I’d love to live there: When it comes to utopias in fiction, The Culture is arguably the one that probably gets closest to making one that you’d actually want to live in: A highly advanced, post-scarcity society where benevolent AI’s keep society running, allowing citizens of the Culture to do literally anything they want, as long as it doesn’t hurt or harm other individuals. With a high value on personal liberty and freedom, as well as technology that allows individuals to live up to 400 years (or even longer), people living in the Culture have it made: You can pursue all your passions, dreams, and hobbies as much as you want without worrying about having to pay the bills. Sweet!
Potential drawbacks: While the Culture does run into occasional problems and even more advanced civilizations dwelling in the cosmos, there really aren’t any hazards or drawbacks its citizens have to worry about; some would say that the Minds (the aforementioned AI’s that keep the Culture running) run a surveillance state, even if it is a completely benevolent one, but when you look at all the benefits the Culture’s technology can offer, and almost unlimited freedom everyone enjoys, the Culture is as close to an earthly heaven as you can get. And speaking of paradise…
1. Heaven
Image created by me with Deviantart’s DreamUp AI image generator
Why I’d love to live there: While we will likely never know for sure if there is continued existence after death (though considering the volume of near death experiences and other otherworldly phenomena reported throughout the centuries, I’m in the ‘there’s probably something after we die’ camp), Heaven, as seen in countless books, movies, TV shows, and video games, would be the absolute perfect place to live: a realm of peace, joy, and bliss, where all your dreams can come true, and where you can live without any of the negative parts of Earthy life, like death, aging, paying the bills, late-stage capitalism that puts the acquisition of money above human well being, etc. Plus, assuming the Supreme Being is benevolent and all-loving, you can chill out with God; who wouldn’t want to do that?! (I’ve always loved how in the book, ‘David Vs. God,’ you can even go surfing with God!)
There are countless versions of Heaven in fiction, but I especially like the version presented in the online webcomic, ‘The Order of the Stick,’: essentially, you get to enjoy every earthly delight you want, and when you’ve had your fill you get to go further up into Paradise to greater and greater joys.
Potential drawbacks: Depending on the rules of which universe you’re in (such as the movie, ‘What Dreams May Come’), the worst part of living in Heaven is the possibility that your loved ones don’t make it in, which would make living there hell. But since stories featuring getting into Heaven at the end tend to be more on the positive side, the odds of that happening are low, and the possibility remains that said loved ones can still eventually get there, even if they have to be rescued/fight their way out of Hell/the Underworld, etc.
Those are my favorite fictional places to live in; what are yours? Tell us your favorite fictional living places in the comments below!
Every story has a cast of characters that we follow and watch and come to love… but what about the background characters? The nameless masses who rarely get our attention? This column examines my favorite background characters who deserve a moment in the spotlight.
The Game:
‘Ultimate Epic Battle Simulator 2’
The Character:
The last surviving Orc in Sauron’s army after an assault on Minas Tirith
(if auto-play doesn’t work, the relevant scene starts at 22:47)
Why He Deserves A Moment In The Spotlight
When it comes to big battles in fiction, huge numbers of enemy soldiers become faceless masses destined to cut each other down, becoming little more than meat for the grinder; redshirts, if you will. But when an army is whittled down to their last few soldiers, something happens: We become invested in those last few. Rather than them being nameless, faceless soldiers we expect to die, focusing on only a few – or just one – suddenly makes us interested in them. They now have a chance to show some personality and let us know that they’re not mindless soldiers who blindly follow orders.
Here, we get to see what happens when the last surviving orc in Sauron’s army tries to run away from the battle, only to be chased by a blood-drenched Gandalf hell-bent on killing said orc. This poor guy is armed with just a crossbow and probably just wants to get home and see his orc-wife and his orc-kids, and possibly play ball with his orc-dog and feed his orc-goldfish. Instead, he’s being chased by a crazed old man drenched head-to-toe in blood who wants to add the orc’s blood to his grotesque, gloppy suit. And while you can guess what happens, this is a great example of how big battle scenes can be exciting, but small, intimate moments can be more moving.
I loved the part where Godzilla said, “It’s nap time!” and took three naps during the movie.
I was so touched when that veterinary guy said, “It’s veterinary time!” and did dental work on Kong.
I also liked the part where the tree said, “It’s tree time!” and totally ate that guy.
I was so touched when Kong said, “It’s dinner time!” and gave mini-Kong some Purina sea serpent chow.
I loved the part where the Iwi said, “…” and stared ominously at everyone.
I cheered when mini-Kong said, “It’s murdrin’ time!” and murdered his fellow homicidal rage-apes with really big rocks.
I especially loved the part where Mothra said, “It’s Mothra time!” and Mothrad’ all over those homicidal rage apes in the crystal kingdom in the center of the Earth while gravity was cancelled due to pouring red liquid inside another liquid which turned some crystals on.
But most of all, I cheered when Kong said, “It’s democracy time!” and brought democracy to all the homicidal rage apes in their lava prison in the center of the Earth after killing the Skar King like Jason did to that girl in the movie where he went to space. At least, I think Kong brought democracy to the rage apes. America!
Truly, this was a movie of all time. 10,000,000 stars out of 10.
Last year marked the 30th anniversary of Jurassic Park, one of the most important, and influential movies of the 90’s. With stellar performances, a great story, amazing visuals, and a breathtaking musical score, Jurassic Park remains a timeless classic that is as enjoyable and thrilling today. While it would be customary to do a retrospective of the film (albeit, a year late), the recent announcement of an upcoming seventh film gave me the idea to go through the series and list my favorite moments from all six films up to this point.
30. Finding Eric’s Camera
Anyone can relate to parents wanting to save their child from danger, but Jurassic Park 3 has a great scene that emphasizes the fear that the Kirbys have about their missing son. While traveling through Isla Sorna’s jungle, the group finds the parachute that Ben and Eric used for their ill-advised tour, along with Eric’s camera, allowing them to see what happened leading up to the crash. It’s harrowing seeing Eric and Ben’s horror at realizing that they’re going to crash, and moving seeing Amanda clutching Eric’s life preserver, powerless to stop something that already happened.
Then, to make this scene even more harrowing, we get a very effective jump scare of Ben’s decomposing corpse. While the Jurassic series often pushes it’s PG-13 rating, it’s surprising that something this gory made it into the finished film (and inspired a lot of fan theories about what happened to Ben; the current consensus is that he died from internal bleeding due to injuries sustained from the crash and rapidly decomposed in the tropical climate.)
29. Alan!
The Jurassic series has had its ups and downs over the years, and Alan’s dream of a velociraptor talking to him in the third film has been touted as the series’ worst moment. Yet, I’ve always loved it: it’s logical that Alan would have nightmares about what he went through on Isla Nublar, and I love the humor of seeing a dinosaur casually talking to him (complete with its claws holding onto the seat in front of it), and it’s impressive how the filmmakers managed to make the animatronic lip-synch Billy’s voice (its tongue even moves!). It may be a goofy moment, but I like it.
28. Escape From Malta
Leading up to ‘Dominion,’ I had hoped that we would get scenes of dinosaurs running amok in urban areas, but, alas, the Malta sequence is the only part of the film that embraces that idea. Still, it’s not a bad scene, and I especially like the climax, which features Owen racing after Kayla’s plane as it takes off while being pursued by two Atrociraptors. We’ve got a very effective ticking clock (the plane taking off), a dangerous threat (two tireless raptors who can keep pace with a motorcycle), and a clever way of getting rid of them once Owen’s onboard (letting the sliding motorcycle knock the last one out of the plane and into the ocean). Great stuff!
27. To Free or Not To Free
One of the most dramatic moments in any story is the point of no return, a line that, once crossed, is impossible to undo, and ‘Fallen Kingdom’ has a great one: with all the dinosaurs at the Lockwood Estate at risk of being gassed to death, Claire has to choose whether to set them free, or leave them to die. As Owen says, if she pushes the button to free them, there is no turning back. Then, in a subversion, Claire chooses to let them die… only for Maisie to then free them, dooming humanity to having to live with carnivorous dinosaurs running about and eating people, cementing her as the greatest force of evil in the Jurassic universe.
‘Fallen Kingdom’ is admirable for willing to break the saga’s status quo, but this moment is the one that truly separates the ‘Escaping from a dinosaur infested island’ era from ‘Dinosaurs running amok all over the planet’ era in a way that cannot be undone, and the film’s to be commended for having the courage to go through with it.
26. Return to the Visitor’s Center
Over the years, I’ve come to appreciate how Jurassic World does its own thing instead of trying to be a remake of Jurassic Park, a rarity in all the legacy sequels we’ve gotten over the past several years. But there’s a moment where Zach and Grey come across the ruins of the original visitor center from the first film, and what follows is a nostalgia-filled trip back through time as they go through the rotunda, the dining room, and then come across those famous goggles and the very same jeeps that Alan and co. rode in when they first arrived at the island.
While this scene may be fan service, it’s fan service with a point, giving the kids a way to get back to the main park. And as someone who was only seven when the first movie came out, I had a lump in my throat going back to where it all started. World set out to tell its own story, but it didn’t forget what came before, and that it’s okay to visit the past every now and then.
25. The Indominus Rex Breaks Out Of Its Paddock
When introducing a new villain, any story has to give them a big moment to prove how dangerous they are. Jurassic Park had Rexy breaking out of her pen, destroying a car, and eating a lawyer. Jurassic Park 3 had the Spinosaurus tear a plane to shreds and kill a T-Rex, and Jurassic World’s introduction to the Indominus showcases not only its strength and power, but its intelligence: it not only lured people into its pen by making them believe she escaped, but also deliberately waited to eat the security guard, so as to let him realize how he was already dead and couldn’t do anything about it. Even better is that we get to see Owen’s resourcefulness is by having him douse himself with motor oil to make the Indominus find him unappetizing, cementing his status as a smart, no-nonsense guy, and a worthy heir to Alan Grant as a dinosaur expert/action hero.
While this scene does have quite a few lapses in logic, it’s a memorable introduction to the series’ newest apex predator.
24. Claire Escapes The Therizinosaurus
When compared to the first, second, and even third films, the Jurassic World trilogy was light on horror, especially Dominion. But this scene more than makes up for it, where Claire comes face to face with the Therizinosaurus, a truly bizarre dinosaur that looks like the offspring of Freddy Kruger and a demented ostrich. Half-blind and hyper-violent, this plant eater acts like a slasher villain, slowly and methodically walking after Claire as she scrambles to reach safety, knowing full well that if the thing catches up to her, she’s dead. Unfolding without any dialogue, and scored by a haunting drone, this is chilling stuff.
23. Indominus Rex vs Ingen Soldiers
Despite the series as a whole being about the conflict of man vs dinosaur, the Jurassic series has surprisingly few scenes of humans actually fighting dinosaurs. Taking inspiration from ‘Aliens,’ this scene showcases how such an encounter might go, and while things would have gone differently if the soldiers had rocket launchers, high-caliber rifles, and the like, it still shows us just how dangerous the Indominus is; so much so that, after this scene, the goal is no longer to contain the beast, but to evacuate the park before it can kill anyone else.
22. The Raptor Jump Scare
In my opinion, this is the best jump scare in the Jurassic series. By showing Sarah looking outside the shed and not seeing anything, you expect that it’s safe for Kelly to get out of the shed… only for a raptor to nosedive into the hole seconds later. I still remember jumping in my seat when that happened, along with most of the audience!
21. The Ringtone of Doom
I’ve written before how much I love this scene, and it remains Jurassic Park 3’s most clever moment: by having Eric hear the jingle from his dad’s phone, he thinks his parents are nearby, and turns out to be right, leading to the two groups being reunited, only to realize that no one has the satellite phone… at which point it goes off again, revealing that the phone is inside the Spinosaurus’ stomach, and that said beast is patiently watching the reunion.
This is a brilliant moment because at this point the audience has forgotten about the satellite phone and thinks that Paul Kirby still has it, only to realize with the others that he doesn’t. Having the jingle be so cheerful happy and uplifting also creates a funny contrast to the dire situation, making it the icing on a great scene.
20. The Spinosaurus Destroys the Plane
Built up as the new super-predator of the franchise and successor to the T-Rex, the Spinosaurus needed to make a big first impression, and boy did it ever. Not only does it frighten off two battle-hardened mercenaries (and their booking agent), but it survives being rammed by a plane, and then tears the plane apart like it was made out of cardboard, forcing Alan and the others to run for their lives. It’s a great introduction to the power and strength this beast has, and shows the audience that this newcomer is just as fearsome as the rexes who came before it.
19. Retrieving the Bone Sample
One thing I wish the Jurassic series did more often was lean heavily into the horror angle of humans trying to escape dinosaurs, something that primarily happens only in the first film. Fallen Kingdom comes close, though, with an opening scene that’s not only a great way to start the movie, but also is an effective mini-horror film in its own right. Not only is it … *groan* … a dark and stormy night, but the deaths are so unnerving. Not only do we not see the submarine crew’s deaths, leaving the horrifying details to our imagination (according to the junior novelization, the submarine was swallowed, meaning they were going to die screaming in the Mosasaurus‘ stomach), but then the radio operator, who just narrowly avoided being left behind to die, then gets eaten alive by the Mosasaurus, too. These deaths prey on our primal fears of being eaten, and very well to boot.
18. The Dying Apatosaur
For a series focused on dinosaurs attempting to eat humans, and humans trying not to be eaten, there aren’t many moments of the two interacting that doesn’t involve violence. This is one of the more touching moments, if a sad one; as any pet owner can attest, when an animal is hurt, you just want to help it, even if all you can do is just be with it as it dies, as Owen and Claire do, and in the process, Claire realizes that the dinosaurs in the park aren’t just attractions to be used for profit, but living beings, starting her journey from a typical money-focused executive to dinosaur advocate.
17. The Boat Attack
While the actual climax of Jurassic Park 3 is… not as exciting as it should have been, there’s no denying that the boat attack scene beforehand is a great way to wrap things up: having a battle on a boat during a storm at night was a nice chance of scenery from the visitor center of the first film and the San Diego chase in the second. The tension of Alan trying to call Ellie is great, and Paul Kirby gets his chance to shine by risking his life to draw the Spinosaurus away from everyone else, letting Grant drive it away via a flare gun, nicely echoing how he distracted Rexy with a flare in the first film. The whole scene is arguably ‘3’s best scene, and a good way to wrap things up and send the Spinosaurus off in style.
16. Nighttime Visitor in San Diego
Like so many others, I had high hopes that Dominion would have dinosaurs roaming through forests, parks, and neighborhoods, where panicked ordinary people would fight to survive against prehistoric predators. What I didn’t know is that the the scene of the Bull T-Rex wandering through a neighborhood at night was the best we were ever going to get.
There’s something so eerie about seeing this enormous dinosaur walking through the empty, silent streets, and it’s easy to imagine the terror of someone going out for a late-night walk, only to come face to face with this thing and not knowing what to do. And then we get to see an ordinary family dealing with a dinosaur in their backyard with shock, disbelief, and screams of terror.
If you want to get the tear ducts flowing in a story, kill off a beloved animal. Nowhere is that more true than this, the saddest scene in the entire Jurassic series, and the only time I almost cried. After the exhilaration of seeing Claire, Owen, and Franklin managing to escape Nublar before it’s engulfed in lava, we’re suddenly hit with seeing a Brachiosaurus arriving at the docks just a minute too late. What makes it worse is that she clearly knows that humans are friendly, and all but begs for them to come back and save her before she’s engulfed in smoke and fire. And to twist the knife in as deeply as possible, ‘Kingdom’s director, J.A. Boynetta, confirmed that this is the exact same Brachiosaurus Alan, Ellie, and Ian saw when they arrived on the island in 1993. She was the first dinosaur we ever saw, and now she’s the last one we see as Isla Nublar is destroyed. She was there for the beginning of Jurassic Park, and the was there for its end, in the saddest possible way
14. Jurassic Park’s Ending
After all the action, the horror, and the struggle to survive, Jurassic Park ends not with a bang, but with a quiet, thoughtful scene of everyone in the helicopter as it flies away to safety. Not a word is spoken, yet so much is said: Hammond reflects on the death of his dream, Alan realizes that he doesn’t dislike kids anymore, and then, looking out on the pelicans outside the helicopter, the film reminds us that, even though dinosaurs don’t belong in our world, their descendants live on, all backed by a wonderfully quiet, almost lullaby-like piece of music by John Williams, and a flight into the sunset. A perfect ending to a near perfect film.
13. Alan, Ellie, and Ian Reunite
In a movie filled to the brim with dinosaurs, it’s surprising to me how one of my favorite scenes in Dominion is when Ian, Alan, and Ellie reunite for the first time in almost thirty years. As a kid who fell in love with the original movie back in the day, seeing these three again is like reuniting with friends you haven’t seen for decades, and discovering that they still get along well and are as charismatic and charming as ever. And it’s amazing to think that this, to my knowledge, the ONLY time in a theatrically released legacy sequel where all of the original protagonists come back, are played by the same actors, and share the screen at the same time, something that the Matrix, Indiana Jones, and even Star Wars series couldn’t pull off.
12. Hammond Realizes that his Dream is Dead
Jurassic Park is full of scenes that you don’t care about when you’re a kid, but that hit much harder when you’re an adult. Remembering Petticoat lane is one of them, and arguably hits the hardest, as it’s Hammond’s turning point in the story. Here, he explains why he made Jurassic Park in the first place, and in the process shows who he really is as a person: Someone who isn’t interested in money, but a dream, and who still believes it can work despite everything that’s happened. But then Ellie points out that despite all the technological marvels at John’s command, the park has still failed and people are dying as a result. The resulting silence from John – done so beautifully by Richard Attenborough – sells that no matter how badly he doesn’t want to believe it, he realizes that Ellie is right: his dream isn’t going to work, and people are dying because of his mistakes. This is the moment that John’s dream truly dies… and he turns away from trying to save it, and focuses only on saving as many lives as he can.
This is, in my opinion, one of the most moving scenes in the entire series, and one of its best character moments, all set to a beautifully bittersweet lullaby courtesy of John Williams.
11. Hammond’s Dream Comes True
What if Jurassic Park was a success? It’s an idea that fans tossed about for years after the first movie was released, and World lets us see exactly how it would turn out, and it’s a blast! Seeing the park fully operational, the visitor’s center being open, the getting a brief glimpse of Rexy eating a goat, kids playing with baby dinosaurs, and above all, showing everyone having a wonderful time is a heartwarming way to show that John Hammond’s dream did come true, and it was everyone he could have hoped it to be… even if it’s not going to last.
10. Roland Tembo vs the Bull
Though it takes a while for him to appear, Roland Tembo establishes in his very first scene that he’s a no-nonsense, experienced hunter who has faced the most dangerous beasts nature has to offer. But it isn’t until late in The Lost World that Tembo truly demonstrates that experience with the bull T-Rex. Alone, and wielding only a tranquilizer gun, he demonstrates how he has nerves of titanium as he shoots the bull, then calmly backs away while reloading as a very pissed off dinosaur starts after him. If I was going onto a dinosaur-infested island and had to choose only one person to take with me, Tembo would be my man.
9. Hearing the T-Rexes roar
As an 11 year old kid, I was the perfect age to go see The Lost World in theaters, which I did with my friends after celebrating my 11th birthday (complete with Lost World-themed paper plates, cups, and the like), and the one thing I was looking forward to most was seeing the T-rex again. And just like the first film, The Lost World takes its time before revealing the island’s apex predator, letting us stew in anticipation. And then this happens:
I remember freezing up when I heard that roar in theaters and realizing that my favorite dinosaurs were about to show up. As an adult, I still love this scene, and consider it the best ‘oh shit’ moment in the series: we know the T-rexes are coming, and they’re pissed.
8. Attack on the Trailers
Matching the intensity of Rexy’s attack on the cruisers in the first film was always going to be a tall order, but The Lost World lives up to it with two Tyrannosaurs attacking Ian and Co’s (very cool) trailer. But the Rexes aren’t attacking with the mindless determination of animals wanting food: the Rexes are attacking the trailers as payback for Ian and his companions seemingly kidnapping their child. The dinosaurs effortlessly overturn the back half and then shove the trailers off a cliff, showing how even humanity’s most advanced machines and vehicles are no match for the destructive might of two of nature’s most terrifying predators. Then, after Eddy’s heroic efforts to save his friends, they come back and kill him in the goriest death in the series, capping off one of the most intense and nail-biting scenes in the franchise.
7. Hammond Says Goodbye to Jurassic Park
As a kid, you love Jurassic Park for the dinosaurs. When you’re an adult, you still love the dinosaurs, but you also learn to love the human characters and their journeys, and none of them have a stronger journey than Hammond. He starts out as a cheerful, good-natured, and naive businessman before realizing that his dream was never going to work, and that people have died because of it. While he’s wise enough to accept this and work to save as many lives as he can, the end of Hammond’s journey is, for me, the saddest moment in the film, and the series as a whole: On the precipice of being evacuated to safety, John stops to look back at the park he’s spent so many years creating. And like his realization that it wasn’t going to work after talking with Ellie, Richard Attenborough conveys Hammond’s regret, heartache, and grief without a single word, all backed up by John William’s beautifully bittersweet music, and the quiet call of the Brachiosaurus. It’s so wonderfully, beautifully heartbreaking.
6. The Philosophical Discussions about the Park
Much has been written over the years about the World trilogy’s attempt to engage in philosophical discussions about the ethics of breeding dinosaurs and playing god, but those efforts were doomed to fail. Why? Because the first film has the best philosophical debate about those issues. Up to this point, everyone is still in awe at what they’re seeing at Isla Nublar, yet there are hints everywhere that not everything is as perfect as it appears: from Grant and Co. escaping from the science ride, to Ian pointing out that life cannot be controlled, and how the raptors are more intelligent than they should be. Then comes lunch, where Hammond’s endless enthusiasm and eagerness to open a park full of dinosaurs for people everywhere to enjoy, runs into its first real test as Ian, Ellie, and Grant make excellent points that maybe this isn’t such a great idea, and that it might not have been better to do it in the first place… and with the benefit of hindsight, we see how all of them are right.
One other reason I like this scene so much when watching it with adult eyes is Hammond telling Gennaro that everyone in the world has the right to enjoy seeing the dinosaurs. This solidifies that he is not a greedy man who only wants money, but to really share something wonderful with others. If only we had more entrepreneurs and CEO’s like that in both fiction and real life.
5. Two Generations Against the Giganotosaurus
One of the biggest draws of Dominion, was seeing two generations of Jurassic survivors meeting each other, and it lives up to the hype. And unlike so many other ‘two generations meet’ scenes in other legacy sequels, there’s no competition or competing with each other: Both the Park and World generations get along just fine, and their first scene after meeting each other for the first time is to team up to survive being stalked by the Giganotosaurus. Everyone gets a moment to shine, from Owen and Claire getting into hand-to-claw combat with the Giga, to Alan pulling Ian to safety, and Ian facing the beast head-on to buy the others time to break into the outpost. Dominion may not be that great of a film, but this scene is so much fun.
4. Rexy’s Breakout
From the moment Hammond gleefully tells Alan and Ellie that Jurassic Park has a T-rex, the audience is left waiting for it’s appearance; if a Brachiosaurus is brought back to life so beautifully on screen, how will the T-rex be handled? We have to wait for that moment to arrive, but the buildup is never frustrating or annoying, and the closer we get to the rex’s appearance, the more excited we become. And then, when we finally see the poor goat, we know the moment’s here, and the film doesn’t disappoint: if the introduction of the Brachiosaurus inspired awe and wonder, than Rexy (the name given to the Rex by the fandom at large) inspires terror and fear at seeing one of the most powerful animals to ever live walking the earth. And her attack on the cruisers is a masterpiece of tight editing, outstanding sound effects, phenomenal CGI, and a complete lack of music, showing us what would would really happen if humans came face to face with such a dangerous animal.
Even now, over thirty years after it was released, the scene is as powerful now as it was then; Rexy’s breakout is the scariest scene in the franchise, one of the greatest film scenes of the 90’s, and arguably one of the greatest dinosaur scenes ever put to film.
3. Rexy vs the Giga
As the climax and supposed end to the Jurassic saga, Dominion needed to go big for its climax, and it doesn’t disappoint, featuring a showdown between Rexy and the Giga in Biosyn’s courtyard surrounded by a forest fire, while the two generations of survivors try to escape and get to safety.
While this finale is similar to the climax of World, we have the added bonus of seeing Alan, Ellie, and Ian in action once again (love that shot of the three of them standing before the Giga), and what’s at stake: If they all fail to escape with Dr. Wu, any hope of stopping the locusts are lost, which means that they will eat the world’s wheat, leading to mass starvation across the globe. But they make it, the Giga is defeated, and Rexy, having fought her last battle, is allowed to finally retire and live out her days in peace in the Biosyn sanctuary. Yes, there are some issues with the scene (the camera work isn’t the best), the Spinosaurus doesn’t show up like many fans wanted it to, and the Giga doesn’t deserve the death it gets, but gosh dangit, I’m a sucker for dinosaur vs. dinosaur fights, and seeing Jurassic’s longest-lasting dinosaur, three of its best characters, and the spectacular arena all at once still makes this a fun scene.
Plus, as an added bonus, the film solidifies that while Rexy may be old (at this point in the films she’s 34, where the oldest known T-Rex in real life was 30), she can still win fights against younger, stronger opponents by using her wits and cleverness instead of brute strength and speed.
2. Rexy vs the Indominus Rex
When we’re kids, we all have our favorite characters from books and movies, and one of the greatest pleasures in life is having those same characters come back when we’re adults and be as awesome as they ever were. Jurassic World has one such moment near the climax, where Claire has run out of options to stop the Indominus Rex: soldiers didn’t work; a helicopter assault didn’t work. Trained velociraptors didn’t work, and now she has only one, final, desperate option… releasing Jurassic World’s T-Rex. And this isn’t some random T-Rex; this is Rexy, the same T-Rex from the first film, coming back after 22 years to save the day once again.
There are scarier moments in the Jurassic series, more majestic moments, and more moving moments. But none of them are as fun as this; The last time I had seen Rexy, I had been in grade school. Since then, I had gone through grade school, high school, and graduated from college, and as I watched her emerge from the darkness of her paddock to the shouts and cheers of the audience – mine included – all those years just melted away, and for four glorious minutes I was seven years old again, watching my favorite childhood dinosaur saving the day once more, and it. Was. AWESOME.
But what could top this, the most awesome moment of the series? Easy…
1. Welcome to Jurassic Park
29 years. Six movies. Countless video games, and one animated series has produced so many incredible moments in the Jurassic Park franchise, but no scene is as famous, iconic, and above all, awe-inspiring as the moment that started it all… the moment we finally see a dinosaur.
For the very first time, we had a photo-realistic, computer-generated animal on screen, and it is completely believable. Not only is the visual effects, music, and acting of this scene great, but it has something more important: the all-consuming awe of seeing something impossibly beautiful, to the point where even Ian, the cynical nihilist, can’t help but smile in wonder, all building to a crescendo when Alan, Ellie, and John see dinosaurs roaming the Earth for the first tine in 66 million years.
Every sequel in the series since has tried to re-capture the awe and wonder of seeing dinosaurs, but nothing can top this, my favorite scene of the Jurassic saga, one of the greatest movie moments of the 90’s, and one of the most famous in cinema history.
For extra fun, here’s a breakdown of all the characters, dinosaurs, locations, and vehicles featured in the list:
Films with the Most Moments:
Characters Who Appear the Most:
Dinosaurs Who Appear The Most:
Movie Environments that Show Up the Most:
Vehicles That Show Up the Most:
The Type of Weather In the Scenes:
The Time of Day in the Scenes:
Comparison of Scenes That Have Dinosaurs vs No Dinosaurs:
Thus, if I were to take the data from these graphs, plug it into an AI script generator, it would probably come out with a story like this:
Alan Grant, Ian Malcom, and Claire Dearing – along with a group of expendable mercenaries – journey into the jungles of Jurassic Park between the events of the first and second film with a fleet of planes carrying a lot of jeeps. While on the island, they have to endure repeated attacks by Brachiosaurs, Apatosaurs, and Parasaurolophus’ as they are stressed out by rampaging Tyrannosaurs, Spinosaurs, and velociraptors. Eventually, the island is engulfed in fire, and Alan, Ian, and Claire escape in a helicopter and decide that it really isn’t worth it to keep coming back to islands filled with dinosaurs.
We all have our favorite moments in movies, books, and games, moments that stay with us long after the story is over. This column is my attempt to examine my favorite moments and see why they stick with me.
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The Video
Why it’s great
As a lifelong fan of disaster movies, I’ve always had a fascination watching the big-scale destruction of cities, continents, and even entire planets, all brought to life with the best visual effects Hollywood money can buy… but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to appreciate disaster scenes that are told not with wide, epic-sweeping shots designed to showcase as much carnage as possible, but with smaller, more intimate moments where the camera stays with a small group of people, or even a single person, letting us experience a disaster from their point of view: It’s easy to focus on carnage when there’s no one to be seen, but it’s more gripping when we follow a single person fighting for their life.
This video, which showcases what would happen if the Moon smashed into Earth (hint: It would be kinda bad), but told from multiple perspectives around the globe, and each one in first-person. It’s a clever way to give us an intimate look at the end of the world, as experienced by ordinary people witnessing the end of everything they know. Terrifying? Yes… but also awe-inspiring.
For those of you who didn’t follow ‘Jurassic World: Dominion,’ it was set up as the grand finale to the Jurassic Park/World franchise. It was the end of an era, the conclusion of a storyline that had gone on for almost 30 years. It was a big moment, and a chance for Universal to wrap everything, end the story of how man should have made an island filled with cloned condors instead of prehistoric meat-eaters, and let everyone walk into the sunset… and then we got a movie about a cloned girl and some really hungry bugs.
Of course, the ‘Jurassic’ series wasn’t going to stay dead and gone, not when each film continuously raked in that sweet, sweet box office money. Yesterday, word broke that, yes, the franchise will continue with a new movie, and screenwriter of the first two films David Koepp is coming back to write the script (which is apparently so far along that the movie could be filmed and out next year). While reports are flip-flopping between if this is a complete reboot of the series, or a continuation from ‘Dominion,’ all of them say that Chris Pratt and other ‘World’ trilogy characters aren’t coming back, and neither are the trio from the original film (which is a shame; their chemistry and charisma were one of ‘Dominion’s highlights). Either way, this new film is apparently intended as a fresh start. But what’s that start going to look like?
My track record of trying to guess the story of upcoming blockbusters is… notgoodat all, but hey, why not give it another try?
So, what do we know about the next film? Aside from it not having any returning characters… well, nothing. But I think one thing the film won’t do is try to up the stakes: Before it came out, many – including myself – thought that ‘Dominion’ would focus on if dinosaurs or humans were going to end up having dominion over the planet. It… didn’t, but to be fair, a world-wide famine that could lead to the end of civilization as we know it is a pretty big threat. So where do you go from such a big threat, storywise? Two options come to mind:
1. Up the stakes and have the world be at risk again from an even bigger threat.
2. Go for a smaller-scale, self-contained story
Personally, I think option 2 is the smarter choice, as going smaller and more intimate would work better than a globe-trotting adventure is a way for audiences to take a break and recuperate from world-ending stories. And even better, we already have two examples of this formula at work: ‘Battle at Big Rock’ and the prologue to ‘Dominion’
Both shorts work beautifully as stand-alone mini adventures that only require a basic knowledge of other films in the series. The smaller scope lets the story and the viewer focus more on the characters and their journeys instead of a cast of dozens with CGI action scenes every few minutes. That, I think, is the smart path for Jurassic 5 to take… but there’s one path in particular that would satisfy long-time fans of the series like myself, and those who want a clean break. What’s this path? Well, it involves two old friends who haven’t been seen for years: Tim and Lex Murphy.
Imagine the scene: It’s a few years after the events of ‘Dominion’ and dinosaurs continue to spread across the Earth. Tim and Lex are now all grown up with families of their own, and one weekend they all meet up at a remote camp for a family reunion where they catch up and have some fun together. But wouldn’t you know it, those pesky dinosaurs decide to ruin everything, trapping Tim, Lex, and their families at this remote location. Now, far from help and without any weapons that can kill the dinosaurs, Tim and Lex have to once again face the creatures that almost killed them as children in order to save their own children, using only their wits and quick-thinking against prehistoric predators who want them for dinner.
I think this is the perfect path for the ‘Jurassic’ saga to go: You get a small-scale story that has a minimal connection to what has come before (allowing for a soft reboot) while also bringing back two fan-favorite characters to once again run away from dinosaurs, and revisit the sci-fi horror atmosphere of the first film. If Universal can do something those lines, it can be a satisfying palette cleanser to wash away all those hungry bugs and help the series go in a good direction… or Universal could take inspiration from Jason Vorhees, and send the dinosaurs to outer space. That’d probably doom the series for good, but it’d be pretty awesome, too.
Imperfect Glass 
