Star wars: The Rise of Skywalker

The Best Background Characters: Palpatine’s Elite Guard Who Is The Worst Shot in Star Wars History

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Every story has a cast of characters that we follow and watch and come to love… but what about the background characters? The nameless masses who rarely get our attention? This column examines my favorite background characters who deserve a moment in the spotlight.

The Movie:

‘Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker’

The Character:

One of Palpatine’s royal guards who is the worst shot in Star Wars History

The Scene:

Why He Deserves A Moment In The Spotlight

A few years ago, I highlighted how one of Snoke’s elite guards fought Kylo Ren by… ramming his armored forearms into Kylo’s lightsaber, accomplishing nothing before being killed. At the time, I thought he was Star Wars’ silliest antagonist, but I recently discovered that there’s another royal guard in a galaxy far, far away who is even sillier. In ‘The Rise of Skywalker,’ Rey takes on Palpatine’s elite guards, the Sovereign Protectors, the cream of the crop of the Final Order, warriors who’s only purpose in life is to defend their emperor to the death, and at this they fail miserably, dying within seconds to a barely-trained girl with a glowy stick of death, rendering a lifetime of Sith indoctrination and training utterly meaningless.

But among their number, there is one guard who’s sheer ineptitude is the stuff of legend. A guard so legendarily bad that his name will be passed down from generation to generation on how not to protect psychotic zombie emperors from beyond the stars… Ceiling Shooting Guy.

At 0:08 in the clip above, a guard on the far left can be seen heroically shooting his laser gun at the ceiling. Not at Rey, the force-wielder with the lightsaber, but at the ceiling of Palpatine’s chamber. Then he pauses, watches Rey for a moment, and then shoots the ceiling again.

How did this guard get the job? What training did he undergo to become Palpatine’s protector? And why, in the moment he’s spent his entire life preparing for, did he decide to shoot the ceiling of the Sith Temple instead of Palpatine’s attacker?

I just love how this guy ended up in a movie with a $416 million budget, some of which surely went to fight choreography (NSFW captions). And yet, we ended up with a guy who shoots the ceiling. Sweet Yoda, I would love to know why the shot was approved, why the filmmakers thought this was okay to put in the finished cut, and I especially love that someone at ILM had to animate these nonsensical blaster shots. But whatever the reason, I’m glad they kept this shot in, because we got an elite Sovereign Protector who decided the best way to protect his emperor was to shoot the ceiling. Hey, for all we know there was a spider up there.

Perfect Moments: We Did It

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Once in a while, you come across a moment in a story that is so perfect that it stays in with you for years, or even a lifetime. These are moments that, in my opinion, are flawless; perfect gems of storytelling that cannot be improved in any way, and are a joy to treasure and revisit again and again.

***

The Movie:

‘Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker’

The Moment:

Why it’s Perfect:

While many people – myself included – still choose to see ‘The Return of the Jedi’ as the end of the Star Wars story, there’s no denying that the end of ‘The Rise of Skywalker’s climactic battle is incredibly satisfying. Not because of seeing people celebrating, or that Palpatine is dead (again). It’s satisfying because of what it represents.

Sheev Palpatine has spent years tormenting the people of the galaxy. He came to power with the promise of order and security, and instead ruined the lives of so many. And even when things turned against him, he refused to give up, working tirelessly to hang onto power no matter the cost. Had he succeeded, countless more lives would have been destroyed.

But Palpatine failed. Not due to the Republic, or the Rebellion, but because ordinary people came together and said, “No.”

The people of the galaxy rallied in the face of evil and fought back. And though there came a moment where it seemed like all was lost, and Palpatine would hold onto his power, he failed. And now, at the end, everything he built has been destroyed, and the people of the galaxy are triumphant. This was their victory. They fought for it, and they earned it.

Yet, there are no guarantees that things will get better. There will be other evils to face, and problems to solve. But that does not invalidate the fact that the greatest threat the galaxy has ever seen is gone. The people of the galaxy have triumphed, and now fly off, leaving Palpatine and his ruined empire behind. But they don’t fly into the sunset, as most films would have them do. Instead, they fly off into the sunrise, for this is a new day in the galaxy, and the dawn of a new era where things can be made right.

It’s an era of hope.

Perfect Moments: There Are More Of Us

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Once in a while, you come across a moment in a story that is so perfect that it stays in with you for years, or even a lifetime. These are moments that, in my opinion, are flawless; perfect gems of storytelling that cannot be improved in any way, and are a joy to treasure and revisit again and again.

***

The Movie:

‘Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker’

The Moment:

Why it’s Perfect:

Like many people, I didn’t like the Star Wars sequels. Yet, despite their many, many problems, they do have their fair share of great moments, and possibly the best one of all takes place in Episode 9, ‘The Rise of Skywalker’

In the scene, the Resistance, having launched a desperate attack against the Final Order, are on the verge of defeat. Their ships are being blown up, they’re outnumbered by almost 1,000 to 1, and are on their last legs… and then Lando Calrissian arrives with the biggest fleet in Star Wars history, and the fight finally turns against the Final Order.

What’s so perfect about this scene is what it represents: For the first time in the Star Wars series, the regular people of the galaxy, the beings who just want to live their lives in peace, put all their differences aside and unite to fight Palpatine directly. They aren’t relying on the government to save them. They aren’t relying on a rebellion to do their fighting for them… They’re going to do it themselves. Faced with the destruction of everything they know and love, the free people of the galaxyrise up against Palpatine and his egomania, his threats of terror, his lies, his delusions of godhood, and declare with one voice that they have had enough. And against the backdrop of the most triumphant rendition of the Star Wars theme ever recorded, they go to war. And while the battle has not yet been decided, there’s no doubt that the people aren’t going to let everything they hold dear go down without a fight.